Trans4mind Home Page

Choosing New Feelings

By Gary McKay and Don Dinkmeyer

While we don't have much control over how our senses take in data, and there's nothing we can do to change our personal history, there are things we CAN DO. Here is a simple three-step formula developed by Doctors Gary McKay and Don Dinkmeyer to help us remember the necessary process for choosing new feelings. In their book How You Feel Is up to You : The Power of Emotional Choice, they offer the 'A.C.E. formula'...

A - ACCEPT yourself and your feelings
Change involves first accepting yourself, realizing that you're an imperfect human being. You're not perfect ... you knew that? Well, how about accepting yourself as you are, "warts and all." Self-acceptance can pave the way for more joy in your life by helping you see yourself from a new perspective. When you can accept your imperfections, you have the courage to be imperfect. When you accept yourself as you are, with your mistakes, you no longer need to pretend. Pretense hinders self-acceptance and impedes your happiness. If you don't accept yourself, you can't accept your feelings, and if you don't accept your feelings, you can't change them. As you begin to change your feelings, you'll make mistakes. At these times, acceptance becomes crucial to your self-esteem. Learn to rate only your behavior, not your personal worth. Whenever you have difficulty accepting yourself or your feelings, accept the fact that you're not accepting yourself!

C - CHOOSE new purposes, beliefs and feelings
Emotions serve a purpose. Learn to recognize what you're trying to achieve by a certain feeling. Decide if achieving that purpose will benefit you in the long run. If your PURPOSE has been to be perfect and protect yourself, your BELIEF has been, "I'm only acceptable when others think of me as right and knowing everything." To change, you need to be willing to accept your limitations. Try this new belief: "I'm an imperfect human being who works hard but makes mistakes." Or your PURPOSE may have been to be in control. You may feel angry when you don't get your way, or you might feel like giving up or getting even. These feelings stem from your BELIEF that "I must be in control to have life work perfectly". By examining your beliefs and modifying your demanding approach, you can choose new beliefs: "I like to make decisions and be in charge, but I recognize life won't always give me what I want. I can accept that without spending a lot of negative energy trying to get my way." Remember, your beliefs create your feelings. When you choose to look at disturbing events as unfortunate rather than awful, or as opportunities rather than obstacles, you'll create new feelings. As you develop the courage to risk making a mistake, you become free to see yourself, others and the world more realistically. E - EXECUTE your new choices
Change requires action. It's not enough to simply think about how your behavior can be different ... you must make it different through action. You've taken the basic step of accepting your imperfections. You say to yourself, "I have the courage to be imperfect. I accept myself as I am." You can begin to experiment with new ways to put joy and humor in your life. You can do what you love. You can risk failure. You can heal your spirit by acting on your new purposes, beliefs and feelings.

Review by Chelle Thompson, Editor of Inspiration Line
More Goals & Life Coaching articles

Good info on many topics:
Submit your own article

Tools for Transformation

personal development
Trans4mind offers its visitors a huge range of complimentary personal development resources for self-directed education and transformation of the whole person...
HOW TO USE THE RESOURCES 
Introduction to our Tools for Transformation. We aim to open up the mind to new ideas, new challenges and new solutions - to think differently and be creative.
SEE THE SITE MAP 
Describes all the contents of Trans4mind.com.
WORDS OF WISDOM 
Here are our favorite quotes. The best quotes distill powerful wisdom into a few words and can make a real difference to our perception and understanding. Including:
Life  Purpose, Spiritual  Awareness, Success and Abundance, Wisdom from the Heart, Happiness and Wellbeing, Communication & Relationships, Motivation and Leadership, Parenting and Education, Emotional Intelligence, Transitions in Life, Social Community, Quirky Quotes, Creativity, Proverbs, Humor - and many further topics in the Wisdom from the Heart section.
INSIDE-OUT BLOG 
Articles by Peter Shepherd and Wallace Huey. Imagine if the values of the heart could be brought into our families, communities, charities, organizations and businesses... what kind of a world would this create?
TRANS4MIND PODCASTS 
Audios by Peter Shepherd, focused on key personal development topics, to help advance your personal growth.
RAISE YOUR VIBRATION 
A free meditation program to help you experience the state of unconditional love - key to lasting joy and fulfillment in your life.
THE POSITIVE APPROACH 
Become more clear about your own identity, what you want in life - your life vision - and how to manifest your full potential.
THE AFTERLIFE 
If we do actually have a soul, then where does it go after death? Near-death experiences provide convincing answers.
ONLINE BOOKS 
Check out our fascinating collection of complete books for you to read online, including Peter Shepherd’s Transforming the Mind, which created the foundation of this site back in 1997.
EBOOK DOWNLOADS 
Over 250 PDFs to freely download covering many personal development topics - and including the range of Trans4mind publications.
KNOW YOUR OWN MIND 
Free personality test based on the Eysenck Personality Questionnaire. See yourself as others may see you, in a more objective light, so you can know yourself better.
PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT VIDEOS 
Watch our selection of over 400 personal development videos by top experts, offering many insights about mind, body and spirit.
AND LOTS MORE 
Our site is expansive, including loads of helpful resources. See what else we have.

Check out the menus on the top of every page too!

Trans4mind Companies

TRANS4MIND TRAINING FOR COMPANIES

Today companies need to find new and innovative ways to prosper in a fast-changing business world. Uniquely based on empowering personal development, supported by personal trainers, Trans4mind Training's online interactive video workshops meet this need without any disruption to your existing operations

Learn more & get started...

Unlocking Mental Wealth. Activating Self-Leadership
Hypnosis Downloads

Support your personal development with these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

This is our selection of favorites, but there's a session for every need! Choose from over 800 Hypnosis Downloads...
Search now on an issue that interests or concerns you...
 

View all the Hypnosis Downloads here

Copyright © 1997-2018 Trans4mind Ltd
Terms of Use & Privacy Policy       Email Webmaster