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Ask for What You Want Without Fear of Rejection

By Noreen Sumpter

Having the ability to ask for what you want brings with it the opportunity to have what the world has to offer, if you believe that you can receive what you ask for. Some people are really excellent at asking and getting what they want because they believe that they can. Others see these people as extremely lucky. However, luck has very little to do with knowing what you want and asking for it.

Being able to ask for what you want is a very important self-survival tool. In the past, you had to fight for what you wanted. Today, the tools are knowing how to find the right person, place or thing and pulling out the big gun, which is asking. Many people are held back because they do not know how to ask for the things that they want, desire or need. They are fearful of asking for information, directions or assistance. They are fearful of asking for a date, or asking for support, money to finance a project, help with a project, or a pay raise that would make life better. They are blocked by fear of looking stupid and feeling needy. But you can ask for anything you want. A kiss, a cuddle, sex, attention, time, loyalty, fidelity, if you can think of it you can ask for it.

However, a big question when it comes to asking, is will you ask? One of the things that many are guilty of at some point in life until the lesson is learned is that no one can truly read a mind. In fact, no one should ever have to read minds. It is not fair to others nor is it fair to you. Either way it is never a good use of time trying to figure out what another person is thinking unless you ask what it is that is being thought of, then they can choose to tell either tell you or not. However, do not ever ask or infer that another person should be reading your mind. No one can ever know exactly what you want until they ask and you tell them. The fear of asking for something that would make your life and dreams better is best avoided like a plague.

If the fear of feeling silly, foolish and needy is making you flinch from asking, then the fear of rejection makes you fear to ask for what you want. Many of us are deathly afraid of rejection. However, this death blow of rejection is something that you make up and give to yourself. It one of the many reasons you tell yourself when you have just heard the word 'no' by the person you asked out on a date, or in fact by anyone. 'No' is all you heard, nothing else. Then as if that was not enough, there comes the 'if only' part of the rejection.

"If only I was 20lbs lighter, if only my hair was blonde, if only I was 5'10, if only I was a smarter, if only I had a better car, if only I had a better apartment, if only I lived on the other side of town... he/she would have gone out on the date with me." So we now judge ourselves as fat and undesirable, as poor, with the wrong hair color, or living on the wrong side of town. The rejection can go on forever, and force us into a life where you never ask another person out again. The fear of rejection is the obsession you make up and tell yourself before you ask a question, and the 'no' just provides you with the evidence of what you believed about yourself in the first place.

What is not realized is that the rejection occurred way before you asked the question. Because you did not believe in yourself enough by believing that you are good enough as you are. It is important when you want something to believe you are good enough to get it instead of assuming that you are not going to get it. You have to be willing to take a risk to ask for what you want or need. So what if the person you ask says no. What have you lost? You've lost nothing. If you want something be persistent and ask again.

You have to be willing to ask for what you want, whether it is a raise, a day off, longer lunch break, a discount, a date, a contract, a deal. Whatever it is you want, start by asking and expect that you will get it. Also, be willing to ask again if you do not get it.

Asking is a release. To receive anything that we want we have to ask for it. The power is in the asking, and in the expectation that you will receive what it is you're asking for. Asking affects everything else. It affects your body posture, eye contact, voice and tone and even your choice of words. When you ask with expectation that you will get that which you're asking for, your way of being gets into alignment with the expectation. A great practice would be to ask yourself three questions...

If I were getting what I want:

  • How would I be being?
  • What would I be feeling?
  • What would I be doing?

Consequently, sometimes you might not get what it is that you're asking for. But the mere fact that you're asking, gives you the opportunity to receive valuable opportunities and insights, and to learn to ask again and again until you get what you want. "Never stop asking."

Noreen Sumpter is a certified Life and Personal Coach based in Brooklyn, New York. Her job is to challenge you, make you accountable, acknowledge your successes, celebrate them, and give you a place where you can be 100% yourself with no judgment and just live. Telephone 718-834-9450, e-mail or visit Noreen Sumpter

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