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Confidence of Champions III: Self-Forgiveness

By Chris Kanyane

Treat this series on Confidence of Champions as your call to action. Treat this series as me lighting your fire. I am the spark and you need to take the spark and light the world. If you do one thing else after reading these articles do this; take one kind of action. Take one step! This is the quality I emphasized in Confidence of Champions II very strongly. You see, there are so many people who know what to do but they don't do what they know. They spend their lives talking about what they should do, but they don't take action.

Read, and try what you have read; take nothing upon trust, but all upon trial. Read and do, read and practice what you read, or else all your reading will do you no good. The person that has sound ideas, but not a lesson of it in his/her heart or life, is like an ass that carries a drum full of water, but is dying of thirst.

Sound ideas and advice will not profit you unless they are applied by you; you might as well not have read these articles on Confidence of Champions, as not to apply what you read. The true reason why many read so much and profit so little is because they do not apply and bring home what they read to their own lives.

Develop the ability to act instead of coming up with stories. Develop the ability to take actions and produce results. That is the power you have lying in you. Nobody can give that to you. I can not give that to you in these articles on Confidence of Champions. Is that clear?

In this third in the series of Confidence of Champions, I want to tackle how to handle yourself when you start taking action and producing results. I guarantee you that as you take action, many times you are going to look a little silly in front of people - when trying to do something and not getting the results you want. This is the time when you have to forgive yourself.

There are a lot of us, who have such high standards, that when we don't achieve our high standards we start to really, really get down on ourselves. We start talking to ourselves in a certain way that amounts to self abuse. That is why no one is going to punish us - because we already do such a great job.

I tell you what; I used to be that kind of person, who was totally uncompromising. I never forgave myself when I made a mistake. When I didn't achieve the results that I wanted to achieve, I was merciless. I would beat myself up. I'd lift myself up and then throw myself down on the floor and roll around in searing pain. Just like the guys in wrestling.

But you know what all that it did? It made me hate myself. And if you hate yourself, very soon you are going to hate the people around you. The quality of your life, the quality of the confidence that you achieve, is directly related to the quality of your inner dialogue. So that is why right now I am trying a lot of new things. I have a lot of new programs going. I know that some of them are going to succeed and some of them are not going to succeed. But that is okay. I will learn from my failures so that in the future I can be even better than I am now. But there is one thing I don't do anymore. I don't shout at myself when one of my programs does not succeed. You know why? Because you have to be your own best coach. You have to be your own best friend. You have to be the one person who you can always rely on to treat you well.

You might be laughing at me but I am telling you this: don't get down on you. Because if you get down on you then depression is not far behind. Then being de-motivated is not far behind. And I am telling you burn-out is not far behind. And the furthest thing behind you is this thing called confidence. You have to keep experimenting. You have to be prepared to go where you never went before. You have to be prepared to be disappointed and to deal with that disappointment. But if you don't forgive yourself and if you smack yourself or you whip yourself, you get into this frenzy of negativity. Anytime you think you have let yourself down, then confidence will always elude you. So please listen to me carefully: forgive yourself if you are making a mistake.

By the way, forgive other people as well. How do you feel about other people who have not forgiven you for a mistake or error that you have made in the past? I guarantee you, you will never forget that. So from this moment on be kind to yourself. Relax! Because only when you are relaxed can you truly be confident and operate from a place of inner joy and inner fulfillment.

So from now on when you get the results that you don't expect, just know that you only got a lesson that will help you get even better in the future. So whatever happens ask yourself: what lessons have I learned from this? How can I become more confident in the future by taking the experience I have just been through? Squeeze the juice of learning from your failures. You see whatever happens to you has got to happen to you - because it did happen to you. It is up to you to become better or bitter. It is up to you to make things happen or wonder what happened. That is how I became the most confident person.

And remember, be brave because luck favors the brave. It takes a lot of guts to forgive yourself because often times, if we don't forgive ourselves we hide behind our self blame. We give ourselves an excuse not to perform. But if you forgive yourself, well then you have to throw yourself into the situation. You have to throw yourself into life. You can not pretend any more. Life is a long learning experience, one long adventure. And in order to enjoy the adventure you have to treat yourself well. You have to forgive yourself.

Note: Many people have responded to Confidence of Champions II (where I encourage people to take one kind of action or step) that they don't know what action or step to take. Realize that identifying your forte is the struggle you have to go through. Just look back in your life and you will certainly see where you excelled most. Or you can take any action, without any consideration where it will get you... Please, don't get frustrated, get fascinated!

Chris Kanyane is an MBA graduate; vastly experienced researcher and writer-consultant from South Africa. He can be contacted by email.

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