This week I've been re-reading Jack Canfield's wonderful book, The Success Principles, and I was struck by his focus on the questions we ask. Several of his principles center on asking more and better questions of ourselves and others.
In my thirty years of coaching, I've noticed that even highly successful people tend to ask very few questions, and not very good ones at that.
I can't speak for other coaches, but the people who hire me as a coach tend to be competent, confident and at least moderately successfu l. They've done alright in life, sometimes much better than "alright." They are smart enough to see the value of coaching. They tend to be goal-oriented, ambitious, hard-working and creative. They are "going someplace" and want to get their easier, faster and with higher levels of success.
But even they tend to be influenced by the Law of the Familiar. That's a polite way of saying we all tend to (1) do the same things over and over because we know how to do them and are comfortable with the familiar, and (2) we tend to fear the unfamiliar, the uncomfortable and the unknown. So we repeat the old definition of insanity: Doing the same things over and over while hoping for a different result.
Good questions get us out of that rut. Great questions open doors and move us forward quickly. Sometimes the right question makes the "impossible" easily possible! A great question can even turn a frustrating sit uation into an adventure, something that is exciting, that stretches us, helps us grow and makes life more fun!
Unfortunately, most of the time, most of us ask really dumb questions. We tend to ask questions like, Why does this always happen to me? Or how about the old favorite, Why can't I catch a break? Maybe one of your personal favorites is, How come things (my life, my work, my kids, etc.) never change?
Those questions are dead-ends! The human brain is remarkably creative and it will always (ALWAYS!) find answers to those questions! And, unfortunately, the answers it comes up with tend to keep us stuck exactly where we are.
Here are some better questions you might try:
Finally, I want to ask some direct and deeply personal questions. If we were together face to face, I'd ask them quietly but as powerfully as I could: