My life coaching clients often ask me why their life isn't working, or why they can't achieve a specific goal, and I've found the easiest way to find answers to these questions is to analyse your successes. Your failures can provide you with some information but if you focus on your failures, particularly when you are feeling vulnerable, you end up feeling worse. When you analyse your successes you begin the process of positive change.
During the mid-nineties I experienced a rough patch financially. I had owned a very successful business, which I closed down to start something new. Unfortunately my new venture was a financial disaster and I lost a lot of money, for a while afterwards I felt lost and confused. Then, one day I made the decision to re-read the self help books that had once helped me. I picked some of the most powerful authors I know and studied their work. I recognised a common theme in all of these books and that was changing your thoughts can change your life. I started observing my thoughts and words and was shocked at how negative I had become. I made a conscious choice to change my thoughts.
Each night just before I went to sleep I would think of every person who had ever hurt me and forgive them, this made me feel good about myself. There were 3 people I felt I needed to make amends to, so I wrote each of them a letter of apology. This made me feel even better about myself. Whenever I caught myself worrying or feeling negative I would go for a walk. It wasn't long before I was walking 5km twice a day and as a result I started losing weight. I felt even better about myself.
As I wasn't working I decided I needed to be more responsible and took a part-time job. Having a small, but regular income made me feel better about myself. It wasn't long after this that I was offered work as a ghost writer and then I started feeling successful again. It was from that point that I was able to formulate what I had learned into a structure which eventually became my Ten Step life coaching process.
The habits I established during that time didn't change my life, how I felt about myself created the change. If I had focused on where I'd gone wrong, what had happened in my past to create this situation, or even who was at fault, I would have continued to feel bad about myself and my situation would have remained the same, or gotten worse.
If you feel stuck, stop what you are doing. This may be trying to change a situation, achieve a goal or solve a problem. Shift your attention and do something that makes you feel good about yourself. I want to emphasise this point. Don't do something that makes you feel good such as eating, drinking or spending, which is a quick fix that ultimately makes you feel worse about yourself. Do something that you know will make you admire you, such as getting up a little earlier and going for a walk each day. Stop talking about your problems. Set a specific time to meditate each day and do it. Feed your mind inspirational material and act on what you learn.
Once you get to the point where you feel good about yourself, a lot of the time you can then put your focus back onto the goal you want to achieve. Ask yourself, "Who do I need to be and what do I need to do to attract this into my life?" Keep asking this question once or twice a day until you receive an answer. The answer may come in the form of an idea, an offer, inspiration from a book, a call from a friend. If you stay open and receptive you will recognise the opportunity when it comes, then you need to take action.
Most people get stuck at times, so stop fighting what is and accept whatever is in your life as an opportunity to learn more about you and about the laws of life.