Trans4mind Home Page
~ A Journey of Self-Discovery ~

Why You May Not Be as Effective as You Could Be!

By Connie Butler

I work with clients daily to clarify their efforts toward success and to see what is hobbling them in that process. After over twenty years of this, I see over and over again how some form of self-judgment and self-criticism is the major culprit. I see how it establishes self-doubt, stops possible solutions from developing, and diminishes the vision and energy of what could be. It keeps many people within the realm of what they have already learned and not taking new strides forward. What steps would you take in your business, what results would you expect, what would you dare if judgment wasn't present? It may be a more important question than you even realize! For many people this dynamic is silent and is like the air that they breathe. For others it is loud and clear but accepted as just the way they are. So the question is, "Who is in Charge Anyway?" Is it some idea based on your cumulative experience, some old voice that has haunted you for years, or is it the full force of your vision and your creative ability?

All self-judgment is a reflection of learning from the past. It is the fabric of things you were taught by your parents, teachers, religion, media images and constantly offers you advice, evaluations, information about how short you are falling. Self-judgment creates ideas and images of who we think we need to be in order to be acceptable. Its action is very cruel because it attacks the core of who you are. Many people when life has been inexplicably difficult for some time call themselves a failure; if they make a mistake they call themselves stupid they repeat what they were taught somewhere along the line. Often when I am working with a client they will cling to some self-judgment saying, "But it's true, I did fail at that." The issue is how that is used to diminish yourself. It is very different to recognize you made an error than it is to attack yourself saying you are a failure. In the first instance you may be able to look objectively at what has happened and find a solution. In the second instance you end up feeling small, worthless and helpless.

Operating within an inner or outer atmosphere of judgment deprives us of a large percentage of our creativity and connection to our deepest acceptance and therefore access to the deeper qualities of functioning. Self-judgment keeps old limiting beliefs about our selves in place and often prevents us from creating what is that we truly want and from achieving broader levels of success. Often judgments are felt as: criticisms, condemnations, guidelines, motivators, accusations, advice, rejections, suggestions, comparison and questions. They have energetic effects including: loss of energy, anger, tension, depression, anxiety, heat, weakness, restlessness, deadness and numbness. The feelings generated in us are to dislike and to reject ourselves.

Because they seem generated from inside us and are largely unconscious, we don't recognize them as attacks and do not know how to defend against them. Attacking ourselves is a major source of self-betrayal and sabotage. Attacking others is an important cause of separation and alienation.

The first step in learning how to dis-engage from self-judgment is to begin developing awareness of it. As I said, sometimes it is like the air you breathe, so much a part of you that you can't identify it. When this is true I often ask clients to notice it's results: when you feel small, helpless, when you are walking into a meeting and anxiety is high, when you suddenly erupt when someone misunderstands you, when you feel collapsed in the face of someone or something. During these circumstances I ask clients to notice if they are judging themselves and then begin to notice the voice or energy of judgment: "I'll never get this right," "I'm useless," etc., etc. Self-judgment diminishes you and these are some of its hallmarks. When you become more aware of it you then have an opportunity to begin finding ways to stop it.

One of the things that self-judgment accomplishes is to keep you in a very old internal relationship. Because the basis of most of these judgments is in childhood -- when we were told how to behave, when a look made us feel there was something wrong with us and we better adjust ourselves quickly, when we learned the standards that were expected of us, when we felt awkward and incapable -- when these arise again we are energetically back in that situation and robbed of our power. So the thrust of work with self-judgment is to finally cut that relationship to bring the support for yourself back home to you, and not resident in a list of rules and regulations, spoken or unspoken, that told you who you were supposed to be.

In working with clients I have come up with an acronym that covers 5 of the basic strategies of dis-engagement. The acronym is SPACE because that is what occurs when you are successful at stopping self-judgment: you have SPACE just to be who you are, SPACE to develop yourself, your real talents and what it is you want to do in the world.

STRENGTH: Access your natural indignation when you recognize how damaging self-judgment is and the toll it takes on your life and your aliveness. Use this STRENGTH to literally tell the judgment to stop.

PLAY: When a self-judgment arises you can use humor to disarm it, i.e. you can say to the judgment, "Yeah right, I am the stupidest person in the whole area." Or, "I only let bullies say that to me." Be absurd about it so there is nowhere for the judgment to stick. Be like teflon not fly-paper.

AWARENESS: Use a sensing exercise to keep you present as self-judgment always accesses the past or future. The more you are in the present the less a judgment can arise. Notice the many ways in which self-judgment comes up and notice the immense toll it takes on your aliveness, your creativity, and your joy. When you are feeling particularly tried, deflated, fearful, or anxious look around and notice if there has been a self-judgment and find away to desist from it.

COMPASSION: Let yourself really be aware of the pain that self-judgment creates in you and how it sets up situations that support the belief of the self-judgment. Notice it in others and how it damages them. Allow this recognition to bring up your natural compassion for anyone in pain and use it to support your determination to stop engaging in internal attacks.

ENVISION: Allow yourself to imagine what your life and you would be like if judgment were never around. Feel the deep safety and support of that, feel the aliveness that is present. Nourish yourself with this feeling and know that this is what you are creating in your life.

When you have successfully dis-engaged you can feel an energetic shift. You feel strong, intact, in the moment and accepting of yourself - you feel freer. I believe this area of work is one of the most important in developing satisfaction in your business and in your personal life. I have only skimmed the surface in this short article. I invite you to attend a workshop or teleclass that will develop your skill in working with this issue.

"Feel the truth of what you are and at the same moment act. Risk yourself for what you know is right and true." --Fredrick Douglas, escaped slave, from an Independence Day speech
Copyright 2005 All rights reserved.
Connie Butler is a personal and professional coach working with individuals and groups to clarify their greatest vision and cultivate its successful realization moving them past their growth frontier into new territory.


Looking for a better life?

Our online, interactive video workshops present the most effective methods of holistic personal development, covering the full range of challenges all of us inevitably meet in life.
Start off with a Free Life Assessment and a Free Intro Session...

Have a question about Trans4mind Training?

Frequently Asked Questions
What Are Our Fees?
Email Peter Shepherd
More personal development articles at the Counterpoint Article Library

Good info on many topics:

Support your personal development with these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

  • Sweet Tooth ~ Train your brain to lose your sweet tooth.
  • Finish What You Start ~ Sprint all the way past the finish line.
  • Do It Now ~ A hypnosis audio to trigger deep, emotionally driven activity.
  • Life Priorities ~ Hypnosis can help you clarify what really matters to you.
  • Stop Thinking About Someone ~ A session to help you move on from thoughts that have been constantly pestering you.
  • Public Speaking Fear ~ Banish speaking anxiety and nerves with hypnosis.
  • Motivate Yourself to Exercise ~ Build a powerful exercise habit that you can't break.
  • Get Rid of Fear & Anxiety ~ Stop worry and apprehension wrecking your life.
  • Self Esteem ~ Break the negative trance of low self esteem and give yourself a chance in life.
  • Create Your Own Reality ~ Use the power of your unconscious mind to transform your life.
  • Deeper Self Respect ~ Use hypnosis to connect with your true inner worth.
  • Detach From Fear ~ Tune out nervousness and anxiety with hypnosis.
  • Improving Concentration and Focus ~ Learn how to discipline, direct and command your mind to improve your performance.
  • Exercise Motivation ~ Give you powerful keys to getting back on track with your exercise - and staying there.
  • Overcoming Shyness ~ Provides an invisible security blanket allowing you to develop social ease and overcome shyness.
  • Quick Confidence Booster ~ An audio hypnosis session that's specifically designed to get you (quickly!) back on track.
  • Stop Negative Thoughts ~ Learn powerful hypnotic techniques to stop negative thoughts before they start.
  • Overcoming Procrastination ~ Let hypnosis help you get on with what you need to do, when you need to do it. Let nothing hold you back.
  • Think Thin ~ Use hypnosis to re-train your brain and lose weight naturally... that's how to get and stay slim.
  • Fall Asleep Fast ~ Relearn how to fall asleep fast and enjoy a good night's sleep.
  • The Next Level ~ Designed to radically boost your performance in any field. It's based on a technique used by top athletes and other successful people to help them make a big stride forward.
This is our selection of favorites, but there's a session for every need! Choose from over 800 Hypnosis Downloads...
Search now on an issue that interests or concerns you...

View all the Hypnosis Downloads here

Get a free Hypnosis Download at Facebook

Hypnosis is the key to unlocking your creativity, focusing your energy and understanding yourself

Hypnosis has a long history of helping human beings be the very best they can be. It can be used to control anything controlled by the unconscious mind - pain, blood pressure, fear, confidence levels, mood, sex drive... the list goes on:

  1. You'll become highly productive without getting stressed
  2. Tap into your creative energies instantly
  3. Really understand yourself and others
  4. You'll learn how to stay calm in high pressure or uncomfortable situations
  5. Develop laser-like levels of focus and concentration

Lean more... Uncommon Hypnosis Course

Welcome to the New Wave in Meditation Technology

Click here to learn more about the iAwake Profound Meditation Program
The iAwake Profound Meditation Program
is a way of enhancing your meditation practice, making meditation not only easier and more enjoyable, but also more efficient and effective.
Profound Meditation provides the smoothest, deepest, richest, most profound meditation experience available anywhere...
Here is a link to a free 20-minute track from iAwake Technologies - a sample of the type of tools that will deepen your meditation immediately and help you quickly become a successful meditator. It's the opening track of iAwake's flagship product, the Profound Meditation Program, called the iAwake Experience...
Learn More and Download the iAwake Experience
We think you'll find this technology a tremendous aid on your transformative journey of becoming your best and most creative self - and you can get started today!
Copyright © 1997-2017 Trans4mind Ltd