After going through nearly a year of reaching out for help to heal unexplained pains in my body, I discovered most of it was caused by memory markers that were linked to needing to forgive others. The memories were still as real within me as the day they happened, blocked off and burried from my day to day awareness but in reality these beliefs piled one upon the other were creating painful feelings that were becoming physically painful to hold within.
After months of deep searching within, writing my feelings out, verbalizing them, trying to forgive and looking for truth in God's writings to help me understand, I had a very powerful experience. God's Light engulfed my whole being, I felt myself (the part that moves my body and is really me) shoot out of my body into a higher consciousness that seemed to be above the Earth and to know everything and have the energy to feed and give energy to a whole nation, I knew that there was enough for everyone. This consciousness seemed to be me.
I soon remembered my body and tried to get back to it, I was not ready to leave earth life. I remember when the light shot through the top of my head into my body, I felt something stay with my body and refuse to leave when most of my life force left and went to this higher living state of Beingness. It was as huge as the United States, though I know now it was only one of the many conscious states of who I am and you are too. It seemed like minutes before I could get my body to move once I was consciously back in it. I knew the experience had to have been real because I could feel for days a feeling like something had been torn through my sinus area and my crown chakra was fully open as well as my heart...
I was transformed to a new state of consciousness with no words to describe it. I knew none of the new age terminology or what had happened to me, except that it was a life changing experience. I was more aware and I knew God really was real, not a doubt in a single cell of my body. I noticed almost immediately that I had complete discernment for truth that God seemed to want me to learn.
I also felt this light shining inside of me that I had not ever felt so strongly or held for such long periods. It was like God was flowing inside of me and we were One... About three months later I got really upset and yelled at someone for being unrespectful of me, but really I became upset because they had said it in front of God at a moment when we where in full union. The light went out and I really have not felt the same feeling again, though I know this energy is still flowing within me and in all of life... I continued to awaken within and began having wonderful experiences with God and highly evolved beings that work for the good of Earth and Mankind.
I learned how to converse with my Higher Self and Holy Spirit. (Which was the light that had engulfed my being that night in November 1997 after asking for a renewed mind and really meaning it from my heart.) At the time I was in the last weeks session of a newly approved class that a Catholic church had allowed called Living In The Spirit. The author was teaching the class. I really wasn't Catholic, but I sure did want to feel lighter inside like the teacher seemed to be. A friend that had taken the first class had told me that this class could really help me. I read the workbook and followed the lessons of self awareness, I read parts of the Eucharist, the Bible and began reading higher thought books. My perception began to change.
I seeked and knocked and cried my heart out to understand... boy did they get scared of me months later when another teacher was teaching further classes and I told them that Jesus and other higher beings like angels and ascended masters were helping me. Needless to say I had to move onward to look for further understanding and had to use inner guidance to guide me to the truths. I soon learned that I could ask questions and have converstions from within my being with God and feel the impressions of full language like inner ears that feel the words into being instead of thinking. At first I began conversing with my I Am presence and soon began speaking, learning from and enjoying my time with Father God. Later God introduced me to Mother God. What a wondrous feminine essence, a very loving, gentle and healing Being! Grace, Joy and Beauty would be her perfect name.
I was still looking for and healing these unrevealed aspects that seemed to have been missing in my life to a degree... I was really seeking to find joy within myself and to feel graceful and beautiful. Mother God was these things, she felt so wonderful when she opened her beingness to me and helped me to heal, understand and remember parts of a life time my soul was still living that had become partially lost in self blame for what had happened when our Earth cycle took a big turn 25,327 years ago and became a somewhat darker feeling planet. This man who's feelings were so connected to my own couldn't do anything to stop what took place, such powerful equipment these beings had that came to our Earth.
This was the first lifetime I remembered. I cried for three days off and on from the feelings. God had to fill in a lot of the details and through a regression later I cried horrible screams of grief and frustration, then memories began to flow. This memory marker was still with me, I felt like I was responsible for saving this world because now man had lost most of his abilities to connect with God and to have many of the higher powers available through the full connection to love and light. I could have moved mountains in that lifetime, but I could not stop these ray machines and faceless beings in dark hoods. Later in the regression therapy I was led to the truth of these beings, I began revealing to them interdimensionally and to this despaired man that they really were not dark beings, but had their own light within. I was able to suprise all of them and show them that there was no need to be stealing light and love from everyone else. The light is within everyone... BELIEVE IT OR NOT.
These experiences, and my acceptance of nearly all that God brought forward since for me to work with, has changed my life. I did not always understand all I was experiencing, but I was very glad to be in total communication with higher awarenesses that could explain all, especially in the beginning when I was releasing lower vibrations (attachments) and I was being helped in making my thought forms higher and re-igniting my light body. Sometimes the higher vibrations were intense and some of the releasing techniques that I was lead to - when the timing was right to really let go of unconscious, lower states - were at first pretty scary and not too beautiful feeling. Seemed to be from other peoples' lifetimes, not mine.
I later realized that some were experiences my soul had had in other lifetimes, and these were fragmented memories that needed to be brought to the Light and see the truth! Others were attachments and lost souls. I helped many lost spirit beings to have understanding, to begin to forgive, release false beliefs, go to the Light and leave behind the hells their stuck thoughts had created. Some were angry, some lost and feeling abandoned, others afraid to face God, each case a little different, but all were such beautiful beings once they re-membered and Light opened their hearts again - sometimes by seeing a loved one that they thought they had lost or killed, to see them still really alive and forgiving them... with me feeling and seeing this all as it took place. In a way I cannot really say I saw it with my physical eyes. These are spiritual eyes and higher knowings that we all are capable of accessing through our contact with our Beingness on the other side of the veil called our Higher Self.
I loved unconditionally and helped them in transforming. They really were beautiful beings, just lost in awful thought forms. Believe me, there is a need for discernment, but there is no way that what I was experiencing was some evil plot of the devil like some religious people still try to convince themselves of - really they, in so many ways, are lost by their fears. I had to be the courage that few could muster to get to the point I am now. I have been re-membering the truth of my soul. I am always discovering more. Who I am seems to have no end. I have been told that in many ways all of us are multidimensional individualized aspects of God on a wondrous journey. Most of us just do not remember who we are, where we have been or the wonder of how we came to be.
Each day I awaken more to the truth and I am shown ways to be more of the love, light, peace and joy that I am. God's Unconditional Love has become my treasure and the gifts God brings forth have no limitations if I allow them to flow. Today my life has become more joyful and it is much easier to carry a smile in my heart and reflect that smile onto my face for others to enjoy. When God began speaking with me, I was shown thought patterns and trapped feelings inside that I needed to become aware of. I was shown fragments of my soul's earthly experiences within that needed to be loved unconditionally, forgiven and released. I found a Pandora's box full of feelings of every kind...
At first when I began clearing and healing past memories, I let forth many a cry and released feelings that I did not know existed within me. I was shown how to higher my vibration by taking on higher thought forms, allowing God's love to flow through me and quiet my mind. God's loving Light healed my being and showed me ways of forgiveness and releasement. I got many a test to see if I had really let go and forgiven the person who helped me to reach the point of such anger that I did not know how I was going to release all the anger and fears within me. The reason I really reached out for help was to forgive what I thought she was the cause of. I thought I may never find the end to this... it took about a year to fully pass the first main step and then another year before I was really reformed and free.
A new love and reconnection formed that could have been there from the start if we had not been passing judgments and blame. We both wanted space and respect, I also wanted this young adult to make better choices and to choose a brighter path... the truth was that we both still had lessons to learn in loving ourselves and others. One of my Soul Mates, I found out later while still in some of the forgiveness stages, was really an earthly angel in disguise, to help me wake up and to learn something! I learned a lot of things. I could have stayed stuck and kept looking at the faults and miscreations she and her friends were being and have died from all the anger that had built up but, I chose to live! My life now is like a living miracle, there is an inner glow and an eternal well of happiness within. God's gifts are wondrous when I allow them to flow freely... to be the love that God intended them to be.
In August of 1999 God asked me if I would write down a book for mankind. I agreed and "In God's Own Words ~The Book~" came into being. It was written word for word, as each word was felt in a sacred space from my Heart, then appeared within a silent area of my mind. I wrote it down, sometimes stopping in the middle of a sentence and then finishing it the next time I sat down to write. Most of the book was written in the year 2000. This book has become my teacher and my guide. Each time I read it more is revealed. My life is constantly unfolding.
My understanding, discernment and knowing have become more clear and the veil of separation from God is becoming thinner. It is easier to love, feel inner peace, express joy and see how precious harmony is in all of God's creations.
God still talks with me and guides me daily. Now there is a book I can pick up that sings to my heart, and gives a gift of love to all. The book shares the awakening of the Christ Mind...