"What I am actually saying is that we need to be willing to let our intuition guide us, and then be willing to follow that guidance directly and fearlessly."--- Shakti Gawain
As an only child until the age of 3 or 4, I had two play companions, very real to me, with whom I had long chats and games, and I would be horrified if my parents "sat" on them in a particular chair or armchair. That was waved away as child imagination although my mother was very amused and reported later to me some of the dialogues. I could apparently speak very articulately and read at a very early age.
Later, studies, practical active life, marriage, jobs... kind of drowned that opening. During those times however, I always felt like telling people "not to think so loud" as I felt I could tell what was behind their words, attitudes, social masks or pretences, as if I could read their souls. I was often told I was "frighteningly clear-sighted".
I always experienced a kind of certainty when I had to take difficult decisions. Many times, after putting down the various elements of a problem, I would feel guided by strong coincidences towards a solution, a process in which I grew to have nearly absolute confidence.
I started experiencing direct awareness of guidance when, in the midst of a divorce, standing next to the man I was going to marry next, a very distinct and strong "real voice" resounding inside my head, warned me strongly with these exact words : "Do not put your life and that of your child into that man's hands". I was already very involved but somehow I listened to the warning and eventually broke the engagement. It turned out and was proved later that I and my child would have been very unhappy indeed.
Much later, I was then living again with the father of my child, sitting on my bed one evening, I heard the "Voice" again : "Tomorrow, your paths will separate". Indeed, the next day, he announced he was leaving for another woman. (I was then totally ignorant he was seeing someone else).
A few years later, things got more spectacular somehow. I was busy disengaging from a formal "outside" job to spend more time at home and have more time for myself for developing other interests. My son was then a student in another town and I had seriously started studying Psychology and Astrology (humanist, spiritual and karmic - main refs: Dane Rudhyar, Stephen Arroyo). All sorts of strong coincidences were really "pushing" me on those paths, including unsolicited radio interviews and consultants.
I was then living alone. One night, I was kind of guided by an inner necessity, to take a blank astrological birthchart form, which shows two concentric circles, and to write between the two circles the letters of the alphabet anticlockwise.
I was NOT in a trance but in a sort of monitored state, yet totally conscious and totally sober (no drugs, no alcohol !) when I unfastened the gold chain I was wearing around my neck with a small gold medal representing an angel, and held this pendulumwise over the exact center of the circles, my arm firmly resting unmoving and stable, on the table.
To my surprise, the medal started swinging with very precise directions pointing towards various letters. "Observing "the process, I realized the letters formed real words and the words composed intelligible sentences. My heart beating louder, I took a notepad, and started writing down ...
I was then told that I was in communication with a Russian psychotherapist who passed away some 100 years ago. She gave me her name, more details about her, but never spoke in the first person, always using "we". This, she said, was happening to an increasing number of people all over our Planet. Willing, open and receptive people were being contacted. She said many "passed over" people wished to give messages to their loved ones and would I be willing to help.
By then I was quite calm and a great joy came over me, thinking this was proof that there were other plans, other dimensions and death was only a transition, a passage.
I "discussed" very rationally with "them" - I only had to form the thought in my head and I felt this was a kind of telepathic mode - there was no actual presence, only communication which was sometimes delayed or difficult or slow. I was told "they" needed an enormous amount of energy and effort to come through from their vibrations to ours.
Later, to get into contact, I always had to initiate the process with my alphabet and pendulum as supports and was given instructions to clean and purify myself and my surroundings.
Rather overwhelmed, I agreed to convey their messages with the reserve that my cooperation would be in the direction of Light and Love and for no other purpose. I was given right away personal messages for two persons. They were friends of mine. Arguing that this might be taken for some form of sick imagination on my part or that it might sound like the Voice of my own Subconscious Mind, I asked for some kind of proof that these personal messages did not come from me. I was then given "Passwords".
The first message was for a widower from his deceased wife. He had brought up their three young children by himself after she had died of cancer, early around 40 years of age. I was given as Password a sentence she often used in private moments with him that I could not possibly know.
In the second case, it came from the son of a woman I knew. She had tragically lost him at 24, when he was shot in a quarrel in particularly difficult circumstances. I was given a word that did not mean anything to me. It turned out to be a trademark printed on the T shirt he was buried with; I had not attended his burial.
Both messages were very personal and full of emotion but peaceful, soothing, full of love, encouragement and reassurance for those who had stayed behind. I travelled specially to deliver them. They were first accepted with disbelief - especially from the first man who is a surgeon, but both persons grew pale as I gave the messages and explained the passwords. They got very emotional recognizing authentic elements. To this day, I don't know what they finally believe, but I did my part and shortly afterwards I woke up one morning hearing in my head a very clear crystalline voice saying : "WE thank you". During that period, I also had many highly symbolic dreams.
After my first contact I had many communications with several personalities, or should I say entities, guides, helpers, coordinators ? I grew to speak to "Them" and consider "Them" as respected friends.
I was regularly reprimanded on my "laziness" or when I complained about some things in my life but "They" kept saying they loved me and All of us.
I have two thick exercise books full of those exchanges and of my questions. I could "talk to" my own dear mother, recognizing in her words her idiosyncrasies, her style and her humor. It was so moving that I regularly ended up sobbing and she would ask me to stop crying.
I was later given other proofs of "their" existence and will to help. One day, "They" said they would send me a book to study on the next day. I kind of shrugged this off wondering how this could be done. Early next morning a friend rang my doorbell and handed me an envelope. It contained a thick book : "A Course in Miracles" ! It was sent to me by a person I did not know that well, with a note saying that she had it in duplicate and felt I should have it. Other events occurred which could make the basis of other reports...
However nowadays I rarely "communicate" for the following reasons :
In conclusion, I feel these experiences have made me stronger although there are of course failings in my life. I am oversensitive with many people that I perceive as heavy or disturbing. Any conflict weighs heavily on my heart and health. I still have periods of doubts and discouragement. But I feel more connected and related to the Whole : universe / cosmos / nature, more compassionate, more humble, more understanding and in touch with real human suffering; more "artistic" with heightened perceptions of colors, sounds and beauty. I have an ever-present curiosity and thirst for knowledge and communication. Although very vulnerable, I feel most of the time more independent than ever as an individual and as a "Whole", as if the Yin and the Yang were both present in me in equal proportions. I have an idea spiritual evolution might point towards more androgynous beings so men and women won't be acutely needing and for ever hunting for their other halves ... but this is matter for another subject.
This is a first written and true "story".
Copyright Lena-Angele Ford, January 2003, Antibes, France.
Born in France, with a French nationality, of a French mother and an Australian (gallicized!) father, I achieved my secondary studies in French, in Paris, with an exemption for obtaining equivalent of Matric, as I was only 15. Later, living with my family in South Africa, I studied international commerce and law at Wits University. Quite young and attracted by world travelling, I became hostess then assistant to management and PRO, with successively two international airlines, alternatively based in Paris and in Johannesburg. Relocating on the French Riviera, I was appointed personal assistant to the VP of a major American Electronics company at their European head office.
Self taught during many years, in psychology, literature, I am passionate of astrology humanist, spiritual and karmic - among my "masters" : Dane Rudhyar, Steven Arroyo - and have given private consultations aiming at a spiritual therapy and self-knowledge. Writing is a lifelong passion too (journals, articles, bulky correspondence, in English or in French). I obviously used my expertise within my jobs. I've also always been a voracious reader and learner. I am a freelance writer on many subjects and had articles/letters published here and there in SA and in France, in English or in French.
I am now thinking of widening the sharing of my experiences in various articles and am open to communications, suggestions and writing proposals.