Finding Mr. or Ms. Right
By David Wood
Are you tired of being single? Are you yearning for a heart partner, or maybe just a companion, but it's just not happening? Do you wonder why some of your friends just fall into one relationship after another? Here are some basic but powerful strategies I've used with my clients which will help you find that connection you seek and bring you joy and fun!
Firstly, WHO do you want?
Before you get yourself out there, get clear on what kind of person you would like as a partner. Take a piece of paper and write down all the qualities you want in someone - physical qualities, job, personality, etc. Now circle the things that you absolutely MUST have. No one will match the full list, so it's important you circle the deal breakers - and be clear what you are willing to let go!
Many people walk around with active radar looking for their perfect partner, but the sonar frequency is so narrow they may reject a great 'potential' before there was even a chance to connect. Imagine missing your perfect life partner just because you automatically said 'too this' or 'too that'!
Now, WHERE do they hang out?
Isn't this common sense? Yet surprisingly few people apply this strategy. Once you know who you are looking for, find out where these people hang out. If you were shopping for furniture, you wouldn't hope to find a couch at the bookstore!
If you want to meet someone who is into sports, go to sports games or join sporting/active clubs. If you want someone interested in personal development, go to seminars where you can't help but connect with people. Ongoing classes are great places to meet and get to know people, in a non-threatening environment. AND - here's the brilliant bit. By choosing a class you love, you win regardless!
Take a dancing or acting class, if those are your interests. You get to meet like-minded people, and you get six weeks to develop a relationship to find out if you'd like to get to know them better. Not like a bar where you get an hour under the influence of alcohol.
You found someone you connect with - or where there's a potential connection. What's next? The most important step people miss, is to 'ask'. Actually invite somebody! You can't just drop hints or hope they will notice you. If you spot someone even remotely like someone you want to spend more time with, ask them. Put yourself on the line. Hoping for a date won't get you nearly as far as asking for one.
Think of an activity you really enjoy doing, and would like some company for, and ASK. "Would you like to go to Centennial Park and bike ride sometime?" "Would you like to catch a movie? Have you seen (favorite actor)?" "I know this place with awesome coffee. Want to get together for a latte?" One exercise I do with my coaching clients is to have them ask out 10 people and get at least 2-3 nos. Why don't you try this? Keep on asking and it gets easier.
DO NOT treat every date as if they are an interview for a life partner - yes, you know who you are! Rather than focussing on "Could this be the one?", focus on spending time with them and having fun. Do something you really want to do with them. If the date doesn't work out, thank them for their time and let them know it won't be happening again. If you had a great time, go out again. If you didn't, ask some else out. As you can see - this is not rocket science. But as a wise man once said to me: "If you don't do it, it won't get done."
David Wood is a personal and business coach, and an original founder of the International Coach Academy - a global coach training school. Besides coaching relationships, he is primarily concerned with helping coaches start up their practices and succeed.