Trans4mind Home Page
~ A Journey of Self-Discovery ~

Communication and Self-Management to Reduce Stress

By Joshua Uebergang

Not enough time, boss pushing for work to be completed, children are annoying you, bills to pay, shopping to be done, housework to do, partner asking for your help...

Does this sound like a familiar scenario in your life? Stress is always with us controlling what we do and how we feel. If you're stressed you do things faster and in an unhappier way. You either become aggressive towards other people as a form of releasing the stress or you become submissive by hiding the stress.

By becoming aggressive towards another person, it temporarily feels okay, but then reality kicks in as you feel even more stressed from hurting the other person. When you are submissive and hide your stress, it internally eats at you hurting your emotions and your relationships.

When under stress, your communication style will change in response to the situation. You can go from a cool and collected person one moment when not under stress, yet when a stressful situation impinges your tolerable threshold your calm style will shift into the aggressive or submissive behavioral states.

What behavior you fall back on in the stressful situation will be the one you have been comfortable with using in the past that will most likely have "protected" you. It's a natural human extinct built within us that we use to block out external factors and listen to internal ones. You probably now are able to realize that when you are stressed you begin to block out external factors, such as how other people are feeling, as your interpersonal skills begin to lessen. You begin to only show concern for what your internal factors are telling you.

When someone has surpassed their tolerable stress level, telling them to get their "act together" or how ineffective their current communication is, often does not work.

You need to learn ways to manage your stress and not let it get the better of you and the people around you. Stress motivates us to take action but it too often works against us. I've come up with the best ways and techniques to manage stress:

  1. Prevention - As telling someone who is overly stressed to get their "act together" is often ineffective, arguably one of the best strategies to manage stress is preventing yourself or someone else from reaching high stress levels. You can incorporate other stress management techniques listed below into the stressful situation before it's too late. Preventing and reducing the problem is a highly effective self-management technique.

  2. Leave others alone - If the other person is not involved, leave them alone. It is so tempting to release your stress on other people. Do not treat people inappropriately. By treating them the way they do not want to be treated, you build up their stress which they will be happy to put back on you. If someone is causing stress, you need to address the person explaining to them how you feel, why you feel that way, and what can be done to fix the problem. Do not stress out the person by focusing your reason for being stressed directly on the person but focus on the problem. It is being problem oriented and not person oriented.

  3. Self understanding - You need to manage yourself and control your emotions. You need to be aware if you are treating a person in an appropriate way because of the stress. You need to know that you are stressed, why you are stressed, and ways to manage the stress.

  4. Responsibility - When you accept responsibility, you live in truth. You do not become a victim of others. You begin to control and create your feelings. You stop blaming others for what has happened to you and you become proactive in controlling feelings, thoughts, and stresses. By accepting responsibility as way of managing stress, you begin self-control.

  5. Self-control - You are in complete control of your emotions. It's through learning to manage your mind that you correctly manage your stress. This is where your self discipline kicks in. Other people do not have access to your mind unless you give them the authorization. You have complete control of your emotions and actions. However, your ability to be in control of your emotions and actions is dependent on your desire, discipline, and skill set.

  6. Stop worrying - Worrying is extremely destructive for your health. It is about anticipating the future and doing nothing about it. If you did do something in anticipation of the future, you would then be planning and not worrying. You try to think what will happen in the near future, but nothing more than unnecessary thoughts occur: "What if...?" "What will happen...?" STOP LIVING IN THE FUTURE and think about what you can fully control now. That is, think about today!

  7. Don't stay still - When feeling down, it is easy to throw in the towel and give up. Winston Churchill said, "If you are going through hell, keep going." Don't stop and give up. I encourage you to stop, relax, and be smart, but do not lose the perseverance to keep going. If you are going through an awful patch in life, by stopping there you remain in the awful patch.

  8. Go away - You may just need to go away for a bit to refresh your mind. If you can afford to go on a Carribean cruise, go for it! For us others who cannot do that, go for a walk or work-out. By being physically active you release hormones that counter stress. Being away from the stress also takes your mind off the problem and gives you clearer thoughts and feelings.

  9. Be flexible - Stress is like the sunrise and sunset. It is inevitable. You need to be able to recognize when others are stressed by reading their verbal and non-verbal language then adjust accordingly. Be flexible by going a bit out of your way for them, to assist their temporary needs and wants. Don't run around the world for them but do be more aware and responsive to them.

  10. Ask others - It is very useful to ask others what you do when you enter that threshold level where you begin to block out external factors. Just ask them what you are like and how it makes them feel when you are stressed. You are asking others because assessing yourself when you are experiencing heavy emotions is known to be an inaccurate source of information. By understanding your communication responses you will deepen your self-understanding and build more awareness and self-control.
Stress shouldn't make us miserable. We were given the ability to produce stress to get things done otherwise we would be sitting on our lazy behinds. Learn these ways to manage your stress, and you'll have stress working for you and not you for it.
Joshua Uebergang helps guys develop the communication skills to make friends and influence people at Get his free guide for over 100 self-confidence tips.

Would you like to have more meaningful relationships?


Click here to learn about developing your communication skills ➜

Looking for a better life?

Our online, interactive video workshops present the most effective methods of holistic personal development, covering the full range of challenges all of us inevitably meet in life.
Start off with a Free Life Assessment and a Free Intro Session...

Have a question about Trans4mind Training?

Frequently Asked Questions
What Are Our Fees?
Email Peter Shepherd
More personal development articles at the Counterpoint Article Library

Good info on many topics:

Support your personal development with these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

  • Sweet Tooth ~ Train your brain to lose your sweet tooth.
  • Finish What You Start ~ Sprint all the way past the finish line.
  • Do It Now ~ A hypnosis audio to trigger deep, emotionally driven activity.
  • Life Priorities ~ Hypnosis can help you clarify what really matters to you.
  • Stop Thinking About Someone ~ A session to help you move on from thoughts that have been constantly pestering you.
  • Public Speaking Fear ~ Banish speaking anxiety and nerves with hypnosis.
  • Motivate Yourself to Exercise ~ Build a powerful exercise habit that you can't break.
  • Get Rid of Fear & Anxiety ~ Stop worry and apprehension wrecking your life.
  • Self Esteem ~ Break the negative trance of low self esteem and give yourself a chance in life.
  • Create Your Own Reality ~ Use the power of your unconscious mind to transform your life.
  • Deeper Self Respect ~ Use hypnosis to connect with your true inner worth.
  • Detach From Fear ~ Tune out nervousness and anxiety with hypnosis.
  • Improving Concentration and Focus ~ Learn how to discipline, direct and command your mind to improve your performance.
  • Exercise Motivation ~ Give you powerful keys to getting back on track with your exercise - and staying there.
  • Overcoming Shyness ~ Provides an invisible security blanket allowing you to develop social ease and overcome shyness.
  • Quick Confidence Booster ~ An audio hypnosis session that's specifically designed to get you (quickly!) back on track.
  • Stop Negative Thoughts ~ Learn powerful hypnotic techniques to stop negative thoughts before they start.
  • Overcoming Procrastination ~ Let hypnosis help you get on with what you need to do, when you need to do it. Let nothing hold you back.
  • Think Thin ~ Use hypnosis to re-train your brain and lose weight naturally... that's how to get and stay slim.
  • Fall Asleep Fast ~ Relearn how to fall asleep fast and enjoy a good night's sleep.
  • The Next Level ~ Designed to radically boost your performance in any field. It's based on a technique used by top athletes and other successful people to help them make a big stride forward.
This is our selection of favorites, but there's a session for every need! Choose from over 800 Hypnosis Downloads...
Search now on an issue that interests or concerns you...
Get a free Hypnosis Download at Facebook

Welcome to the New Wave in Meditation Technology

Click here to learn more about the iAwake Profound Meditation Program
The iAwake Profound Meditation Program
is a way of enhancing your meditation practice, making meditation not only easier and more enjoyable, but also more efficient and effective.
Profound Meditation provides the smoothest, deepest, richest, most profound meditation experience available anywhere...
Here is a link to a free 20-minute track from iAwake Technologies - a sample of the type of tools that will deepen your meditation immediately and help you quickly become a successful meditator. It's the opening track of iAwake's flagship product, the Profound Meditation Program, called the iAwake Experience...
Learn More and Download the iAwake Experience
I think you'll find this technology a tremendous aid on your transformative journey of becoming your best and most creative self - and you can get started today!
Copyright © 1997-2017 Trans4mind Ltd