Use These 5 Tips to Start Up a Relationship
Individuals who are truly content with the romantic choices they make expend more of their energy on personal progress and self-development than they do on looking a particular way that might attract love. Rather than playing games that could possibly draw in a romantic partner, focus instead on the following 5 tips. In time, you'll find the right person for you:
1) You Need To Know Who You Are Emotionally And Sexually:
If you haven't put in the necessary work of knowing who you are sexually and emotionally, then any romantic relationship that you enter would likely put in you a rather emotionally-dependent state. You could even be deluding yourself into thinking that somebody else is going to figure you out and be a source of happiness for you, even if you haven't figured it out for yourself. It's crucial that you communicate your sexuality and emotions to your partners. Do so directly, because just wishing other people will somehow discern who you are in both these areas is just creating a future disappointment. Be mindful of what your normal emotional reactions to things happening in your life and the people around you. Monitor your emotional reactions, and identify them as best you can. Consider how you feel, and when you talk to others about your feelings, don't hold them responsible for pulling you back together.
2) Trust What Others Illustrate and Say About Themselves:
When you are attracted to a person, it's understandable if you try to rationalize or explain any poor behavior that they have. If anyone doesn't treat you with respect or lets you down time and time again, then you need to assume this speaks volumes about who they are. If you attempt talking to someone and they are just dismissive of you, then take that seriously. If they take it a step further and rationalize any mistreatment they have towards you, then consider that the match isn't good. Walk away from anyone saying they're not wanting 'anything serious' or if they claim that they need a bunch of 'space'. They're not where you're at, and they're unlikely to want what you do. Believe the things that anyone communicates to others about themselves. If they seem disrespectful or immature, then move on, especially if they say anything that hurts you. You're not responsible for showing them how to do things better. Your only job is working on your own growth.
3) Don't Fall for 'Sextimacy':
This particular term might not be evident to you in terms of what it stands for, but it means a cycle of trying to get to a state of emotional intimacy by having sex more often or faster. If you hold a hope that any sexual relationship is going to grow into a committed relationship with emotional intimacy, you need to think twice. Studies have shown that most relationships that involve sex prior to emotional intimacy don't typically wind up being long-term partnerships. You'll waste time waiting or even trying to get somebody else to grow up or commit when you could instead focus your efforts on your own growth so you can draw in a person that loves who you turn into. If you want a quick thrill try straight or gay chat line dating.
4) Pull Away from Your Parents Psychologically:
This isn't easy. In fact, quite a few adults that assume they've done so have actually not accomplished it. If you let your parents be the source of all your emotional support as an adult, then you're wasting energy that should be applied to romantic endeavors. As much as you can, and bit by bit, work to get your mental and emotional independence from your parents. Keep in touch with them, love them, and share things about your life with them if you want. That's always true, as they're family. However, what you need to do is get to a place where you're okay with making your own personal choices. You're not living only for you if you let them control your life, or if you are always asking them for their guidance, opinions, and reassurance. If either or both of your parents are permitted to keep doing any of your heavy lifting instead of you, then you'll never be a complete person if the right romantic partner does come along. If you start up a romantic relationship thinking that the partner will care for you like your parents did, then the relationship is likely to turn toxic, no matter how healthy it might have started. You need to be in charge of your life, mindful of your dreams, and aware of your feelings.
5) Enter New Circumstances:
There's a popular misconception that in order to find 'the one', a person has to just 'be themselves' for some time. Women that do this tend to wind up in a needless exile, where they get lonely and depressed. Working on yourself is a good intention, but it's also very vague. Focus on growing your sexual and emotional awareness. Simultaneously, seek out new relationships with both friends and romantic partners in order to really find yourself. Every dating experience you go through offers you real-time information about where you're strong, where you're weak, and what you like. If you 'just do you' for a stretch, you're only going to repeat what you already know about yourself. Adapt to new situations and grow from them when you can. Authentic effort in trying out new situations will get you past the unfamiliarity and anxiety, opening the door to all sort of new people and experiences.