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The Ex Factor: How to Stop Comparing Yourself
to Your Partner's Ex

By Ashlee Swenson

It’s common to find yourself wondering about your partner’s ex. After all, when you’re in a relationship, you can’t help but be curious about your boyfriend or girlfriend’s relationship past. Perhaps your partner has mentioned his ex in passing or maybe you’ve already done your own social media detective work to find out what she looks like, does for a living, where she vacations and/or even what she had for lunch.

And while it’s normal to think about your sweetheart’s ex-sweetheart every now and then, it’s not healthy for you or your relationship to be constantly obsessing over him or her. Luckily, there are proven tips that can help you stop compulsively comparing yourself to the one who came before.

Remember What You and Your Partner Have Together

Instead of stressing about his ex and the kind of relationship they had, why not focus your attention on your own relationship? Are you excited about where things are heading? Do his emoticon-filled text messages still make you smile?

Does his goofy dancing still crack you up? Don’t let his ex be a threat to you or the relationship that you’re building together. She may be his past, but you’re his future.

Value Yourself and What You Bring to the Table

Even if your partner’s ex was a fashion model, a famous athlete or a fancy CEO, don’t forget that you’re pretty awesome, too. Think about it—there’s a reason that you and your partner are together (and they’re apart), so don’t beat yourself up just because her ex won a heavyweight title. Your partner recognizes that you’re special and amazing, and it’s time you should as well. Confidence is sexy, so bring it.

Accept that Everybody Has a Past

When you’re in a relationship, it’s important to remember that everyone is coming from a different place. And while your partner has a past, you likely have one, too. So instead of worrying and comparing yourself to the person who he was with before you, take comfort in the fact that his past relationships played a role in shaping him into the person he is today. So instead of comparing yourself to his ex, remember that everyone is a sum of his or her own experiences, and that without his ex and the past they shared together, he might not be the person you fell for.

Step away from Social Media

If you’re finding yourself hopelessly stalking his ex on Facebook, Instagram and the like (so to speak), now’s the time to stop. It’s not healthy for your body or your mind to be tracking someone’s social footprint, and there are plenty of other ways to occupy your time that are far more productive and beneficial to your life. Is the laundry piling up? Could you use a mani/pedi? Is there a yoga DVD you’ve been meaning to try? Instead of inundating yourself with images of your partner’s ex, do something to make your own life a little more picture-perfect.

Look Deeper at the Situation at Hand

In order to stop comparing yourself to his ex, it’s time to reexamine why you’re feeling the need to compare yourself in the first place. Are you simply curious about what she’s like, or is this stemming from deeper insecurities in your relationship? For example, if your boyfriend makes passing references to his ex and you don’t feel that you can live up to his expectations, it’s time to discuss these issues with your partner. By openly communicating your feelings about your mate’s ex and finding a solution together, you can help make your comparison days a thing of the past. 

About the author: Ashlee Swenson is a professional writer at online class help service and happy dog owner. Besides, she is fond of Psychology. In this case, she takes part in different conferences and presentations to get more knowledge and obtain experience. She dreams of helping people cope with their problems.


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