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How To Stop Being Verbally Abusive

verbal abuse

Most of the time, verbal abuse isn't recognized as verbal abuse because it's mostly subtle and hidden in sentences and phrases from people but that doesn't escape the fact that it's real and it's happening everywhere around us.

What is Verbal Abuse?

Verbal abuse can be hard to discern compared to other types of abuse such as bullying, violence, sexual assault, harassment, and others, but there are indicators such as:

  • Constantly yelling
  • Belittling the self-esteem of another person
  • Put-down sentences
  • Discriminatory and derogatory comments
  • Belittling behaviors

Verbal abuse means that a person causes harm to another through communication and words. Verbal abuse is usually done to take control or assert dominance towards the person; often leading to the other party feeling worthless, stupid, and worse, second-guessing who they are.

Where Does Verbal Abuse Happen?

Most of the time, verbal abuse doesn't happen publicly, which tells us that it happens within a relationship of a couple. This can be a young couple or even during marriage and in this case, it gets harder to identify if your partner is verbally abusing you or not.

In a relationship, a partner may switch from a positive behavior to verbally abusive in an alternate manner until the end. This can be particularly confusing since, at one point, your partner will show compassion and love to you, but the next second, they may tend to verbally abuse you without them knowing they did.

In the end, the verbal abuse behavioral pattern is completely ignored and sometimes be excused by the other partner. This is dangerous, especially to the well-being and physical wellness of the abusee.

Types of Verbal Abuse

Verbal abuse can take in many forms; this can be in a subtle and more derogative manner or straightforward and blunt comments. The types and subtle characteristics of verbal abuse make it hard to discern it from good and proper communication.

To make matters worse, those who have been verbally abused from childhood take it as a normal way of communication between parties, which can have traumatic and lifetime consequences to a person's life.

Verbal abuse can take in such forms like:

Blaming. This type of abuse puts the victim at fault for an action he/she did not commit. This often leads to consequences such as unnecessary asking for forgiveness, low-self esteem, and constantly blaming oneself for others' mistakes.

Criticism. Criticisms can be a positive or negative type of verbal behavior. In this sense, criticisms put down the victim's self-esteem by constantly making them feel bad about themselves because of something they've done that is not proper or right.

Gaslighting. Gaslighting is an insidious and sinister way of verbally abusing someone. This refers to the abuser deflecting any blame on him/her and converting it to make it look like the abusee was responsible for the mistake. This makes the abusee question themselves; their judgment, decisiveness, and even reality, as they second guess themselves.

Name-calling. This is the lowest of low when it comes to verbal abuse types. This can be racist remarks, discriminatory, derogatory, which often target's the person's identity, self-esteem, and confidence.

Threats. These are signs of threats--breaking up or having a divorce to control the person and manipulate them into compliance and against their own free will.

verbal abuse

The Impact of Verbal Abuse

The impact of verbal abuse can affect the person's well-being and mentality for their LIFETIME. These branches out to negatively affect the person's academic performance, livelihood, lifestyle, relationships, and other categories of his life.

Nevertheless, verbal abuse has the same kind of impact as other types and forms of abuse. These impacts can cause:

  • Anxiety
  • Trauma
  • Low-self esteem
  • Low confidence
  • Withdrawal
  • Substance usage
  • Resort to vices
  • Chronic stress
  • Possible mood disorders

How To Stop Being Verbally Abusive?

As impactful as the effects of verbal abuse to a person, it can be negated and prevented starting from the get-go of a relationship before you hire a sexual assault lawyer, such as Dunlap Law.

The first step to preventing verbal abuse is to recognize and confirm the abuse. By acknowledging it, you are aware of your actions and as a result, you take preventive measures and steps to gain control and prevent it from happening again.

Now that you finally acknowledge the abusive action, here are additional steps to completely stop the abuse.

Set Boundaries In The Relationship

Setting boundaries is an important part of preventing verbal abuse from one another. This automatically signals the person that they are forbidden to blame, criticize, gaslight, and judge you; if they did, there would-be consequences within the relationship.

Limit Contact

If possible, you can limit the amount of time you spend with a verbally abusive person and be with people with whom you are comfortable. This can be your friends, families, and your significant other.

End the Relationship

If all else fails with your efforts of preventing an abusive relationship wasted, end the relationship. Before you officially end it, seek out a second opinion; either with a professional, your trusty friend, or a close family member to weigh out additional options.

If the person still reluctantly refuses to cooperate with you preventing abusive behavior, then end the relationship.

Seek Help

Now that you officially ended the relationship, you can seek help and assistance from a sex assault lawyer if you plan to charge your S.O with abusive behavior. Make sure you have sufficient evidence to confirm its abusive behavior.

If not, you can seek support from a therapist to take the next steps to cope with the abuse's short and long-term effects on your well-being. You can also console with friends and loved ones; vent out what you wanted to say for a long time and anything that needs to get off your chest.


Identifying verbal abuse can be challenging but it can be stopped early on in the relationship. Take preventive measures and communicate them with your partner to have a healthy relationship.

Once everything works out, you'll be surprised how much has changed in both of your lives. Your well-being and performance will skyrocket that it will contribute to the bonds of your relationships.

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