Trans4mind Home Page
~ A Journey of Self-Discovery ~

The Mistakes Men Make about Women

By Bob Smallwood

Men often assume that the things that motivate them will motivate women just as effectively. They don't. Not only does a woman have a different view of the world, she has a measurably different brain that works in a different way.

Not so many years ago, saying that men and women's brains are different was non-PC. Radical feminists maintained that all differences were the result of early conditioning. Fortunately, the differences in structure and activity have now been proven by solid science. One demonstration that impresses me is the mirror tracing test. This is simply tracing the outline of an object, the twist being that the object, hand, pencil and paper are seen through a mirror. A right-handed male usually freezes solid for a while, until his confused brain has laboriously sorted out which way to move his hand. The left side of the brain controls the right hand but a man can only do spatial processing with his right brain. Women don't have these problems as their more flexible brains can do spatial processing on either side. Men have generally better spatial processing but they can only do one thing at a time and communication between the two halves of the brain is restricted.

Hopefully, society has moved on and we are trying to get the best out of both sexes by recognizing that equality is not sameness. Rubies and sapphires can be equally attractive, but they are hardly the same!

What turns men on and women off? There are five big areas that appeal to men but are turn-offs for women:

  • Competition
  • Violence
  • Risk
  • Cold logic
  • Obsession

Competition, beating the other guy or team, is a prime motivator for men. If there is nobody to compete with, it may not get done at all. One guy on a desert island will sleep in a cave. Put a few guys on the island and they will compete for best hut. Although some women are very competitive, they don't compete directly. Men struggle to understand that a woman believes that she is competing with herself, even when someone else has set the scoring system. Achieving personal best is crucial, being the best is important; beating the others is a side effect. That's the opposite of a man's priorities.

Violence is action. Action is the automatic male reaction to emergency or threat. It is positive when protecting loved ones from wild animals, but negative when used as the way to settle an argument. Men express their emotions through action rather than communication. Asking a man to get in touch with his emotions is inviting rage! Teenage boys need to learn to control their natural inclination to violence, some never do. To be socially acceptable, violence and aggression are sublimated into playing or watching sport. A sports fan lives and feels his team's aggression. Not many men watch sport objectively to see the best team win. Violence sells men's films too. Tarantino's work has far less appeal to women.

Risk. You only have to listen to way men and women say the word to get a handle on the different attitudes. To him, risk is spice, challenge, excitement, adrenalin rush. To her, risk is danger, instability, loss of control. Women are better bank employees, follow policy and work more consistently, yet more than 90% of exchange traders are men. Very few women enjoy the high pressure, high risk life of a trader, but men can become literally addicted to the endorphin rush they get when a high-risk trade pays off.

Cold logic. Men emphasize the logic, women the cold. On any problem in the family or at work, a women will chew through all the different opinions and attitudes that the players and even the observers are likely to have, both before and after the implementation of any solution. To a man, it all looks and sounds like a waste of time. The fix is obviously logically correct, so get on and fix it. In his world, emotions take second place to logic. In truth, he lacks the ability to empathize with those involved, so cannot take their feelings into account. So mentally, he minimises their impact and relies on demonstrating the logic of the solution to persuade doubters. He is quite surprised when it doesn't work! Even politicians fall into this trap. Despite their armies of advisers and PR consultants, politicians regularly press for measures that make logical sense but don't work at an emotional level.

Geeks, nerds, birders, plane spotters, storm chasers and music freaks. How many are women? Obsessive collecting, observing, analyzing, refining or dissecting are not favourite female pastimes. More than one woman has remarked that maleness is only one step away from autism. The ability to concentrate on one thing, to the total exclusion of anything else, is a male characteristic. This ability underlies man's greatest achievements (and women's greatest frustrations). Women stay in touch with the real world and easily manage to do several things at once. Men call that multi-tasking and claim it requires a super-computer! Women have hobbies that are useful, social, fun or a mixture of these. Men have obsessions.

Talking of obsessions, it seems the only one that women consistently have is dirt. For women, all dirt is bad, probably disgusting. She may even claim it smells bad when it has no smell at all. Men might not notice the dirt, "a detail". When he does notice it, he finds it unattractive or inconvenient rather than offensive. He might go as far as claiming that dirt from working in the garden or DIY is good, honest dirt: but she will never agree.

Men and women are different and that's part of what makes life interesting. If we tried to understand each other better, life might get a little easier!

Women tell me that Liza Sutton's book "Turn Dreams into Reality - How a Woman can Master Her Destiny" (ISBN-10: 095494870X) works for them because it 'connects' and motivates them in a way that material aimed at men never can. It made me realize just how little I knew about how women think! So be careful, stuff designed to appeal to the other sex could demotivate you completely.

Extracts from the book are available in this Free PDF download.

Would you like to have more meaningful relationships?


Click here to learn about developing your communication skills ➜

Looking for a better life?

Our online, interactive video workshops present the most effective methods of holistic personal development, covering the full range of challenges all of us inevitably meet in life.
  • Learn valuable life skills and key insights
  • Become clear on exactly what to do in order to fulfill your potential
  • Personal support from our team of life coaches
Start off with a Free Life Assessment and a Free Intro Session...

Have a question about Trans4mind Training?

Frequently Asked Questions
What Are Our Fees?
Email Peter Shepherd
More personal development articles at the Counterpoint Article Library

Good info on many topics:

Support your personal development with these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

  • Sweet Tooth ~ Train your brain to lose your sweet tooth.
  • Finish What You Start ~ Sprint all the way past the finish line.
  • Do It Now ~ A hypnosis audio to trigger deep, emotionally driven activity.
  • Life Priorities ~ Hypnosis can help you clarify what really matters to you.
  • Stop Thinking About Someone ~ A session to help you move on from thoughts that have been constantly pestering you.
  • Public Speaking Fear ~ Banish speaking anxiety and nerves with hypnosis.
  • Motivate Yourself to Exercise ~ Build a powerful exercise habit that you can't break.
  • Get Rid of Fear & Anxiety ~ Stop worry and apprehension wrecking your life.
  • Self Esteem ~ Break the negative trance of low self esteem and give yourself a chance in life.
  • Create Your Own Reality ~ Use the power of your unconscious mind to transform your life.
  • Deeper Self Respect ~ Use hypnosis to connect with your true inner worth.
  • Detach From Fear ~ Tune out nervousness and anxiety with hypnosis.
  • Improving Concentration and Focus ~ Learn how to discipline, direct and command your mind to improve your performance.
  • Exercise Motivation ~ Give you powerful keys to getting back on track with your exercise - and staying there.
  • Overcoming Shyness ~ Provides an invisible security blanket allowing you to develop social ease and overcome shyness.
  • Quick Confidence Booster ~ An audio hypnosis session that's specifically designed to get you (quickly!) back on track.
  • Stop Negative Thoughts ~ Learn powerful hypnotic techniques to stop negative thoughts before they start.
  • Overcoming Procrastination ~ Let hypnosis help you get on with what you need to do, when you need to do it. Let nothing hold you back.
  • Think Thin ~ Use hypnosis to re-train your brain and lose weight naturally... that's how to get and stay slim.
  • Fall Asleep Fast ~ Relearn how to fall asleep fast and enjoy a good night's sleep.
  • The Next Level ~ Designed to radically boost your performance in any field. It's based on a technique used by top athletes and other successful people to help them make a big stride forward.
This is our selection of favorites, but there's a session for every need! Choose from over 800 Hypnosis Downloads...
Search now on an issue that interests or concerns you...
Get a free Hypnosis Download at Facebook

Welcome to the New Wave in Meditation Technology

Click here to learn more about the iAwake Profound Meditation Program
The iAwake Profound Meditation Program
is a way of enhancing your meditation practice, making meditation not only easier and more enjoyable, but also more efficient and effective.
Profound Meditation provides the smoothest, deepest, richest, most profound meditation experience available anywhere...
  • Establish a daily practice that sticks
  • Enhance your focus, flow, and performance
  • Relieve stress, anxiety, and depression
  • Evolve and deepen your spiritual life
Here is a link to a free 20-minute track from iAwake Technologies - a sample of the type of tools that will deepen your meditation immediately and help you quickly become a successful meditator. It's the opening track of iAwake's flagship product, the Profound Meditation Program, called the iAwake Experience...
Learn More and Download the iAwake Experience
I think you'll find this technology a tremendous aid on your transformative journey of becoming your best and most creative self - and you can get started today!
Copyright © 1997-2017 Trans4mind Ltd