10 Signs of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner
Emotional availability is one of the more essential elements of a relationship. This is crucial for sustaining bonds and a lasting romantic connection.
Sadly, not all the guys you date will have this attribute.
If you want to have a healthy, lasting relationship, you should steer clear of emotionally unavailable men. Here are the signs you should avoid:
He can't describe how he feels.
Whenever you ask your partner, does he respond with "Everything's going crazy," instead of saying, "I'm sad," or "I'm angry?" That means he finds it hard to convey his emotions –a stark sign of his unavailability.
It doesn't help that men do this because they feel the need to keep a machismo façade.
Despite this drawback, you can try to help your partner deal with his emotions. Giving him that much-needed help may make him more aware of his feelings.
He's not good at showing (or receiving) affection.
He might have forgotten your anniversary date over and over again. This can be understandable at times – maybe he's busy.
However, there's another red flag that's just as telling – his inability to appreciate your affection. For example, he may fail to recognize your efforts, like hand-delivering lunch to his office.
He changes the topic whenever you come across an emotional subject.
Does he mock or belittle the emotional things you have just shared with him? Does he often call you dramatic or over-sensitive?
Instead of validating your feelings, an emotionally unavailable man can make you feel like your thoughts are invalid. It may be because he views the showing of emotions as a form of weakness.
Unfortunately, this can lead to gaslighting – a form of emotional abuse that can make you question yourself.
You don't receive any support from him.
If you don't receive words of encouragement for the most significant events of your life, it's a sign that he's emotionally unavailable. Support and understanding are the two best things you should get from your partner, after all.
If he doesn't feign interest in your life – no matter how trivial the situation may be – your relationship will not blossom well.
He views emotion as an object rather than a feeling.
The usual person says, "I feel hurt" or "I feel sad." An emotionally unavailable man, however, views his feeling as an object.
This leads him to say "the hurt I had" or "the sadness I felt" instead. While these may seem like subtle differences, this disconnection means he has difficulty dealing or processing emotions.
He prefers doing things by himself.
Emotionally unavailable men don't like connecting with people or talking about their emotions. As such, they often turn to solitary activities instead of socializing with you and other people, too.
Instead of letting him be, you can try and join him in his activities. Who knows? He might just be waiting for a girl who shows interest in his hobbies.
He tells you what you should or should not feel.
If your guy keeps telling you to feel or not feel a certain way, this may make you feel like you are not being understood. He might think that he's cheering you up, but what he does is discount your experience.
Unfortunately, this creates a gap between you and your partner, as this can make you feel disrespected and unappreciated.
He thinks he is expressing his emotions (but he's not).
Does your partner often start his statements with, "I feel that..."?
While the word 'feel' might make you think he's emotionally available, it might not be the case. This word is often used as a statement of belief, not an expression of emotion.
He doesn't talk about things that you find important.
Does he seem bored whenever you talk about something dear to you? This can be his way of avoiding intimacy – a surefire sign of emotional unattachment.
It's important to point out such situations to your partner. This will help him become more sensitive to your needs.
He's keen on telling you that you should look on the bright side of things.
While there's a bright light at the end of the tunnel, an emotionally unavailable man will bring this up in the most inappropriate of moments.
Say that your grandma died. Instead of mourning with you, he might go on and say, "At least it's not you!" Although he's trying to be positive, his statements may be more offensive than comforting.
As always, don't forget to explain your side. Make sure to explain why his remark did not apply to that moment. That way, he can identify his emotional shortcomings and not do it again.
It can be hard to spot emotionally unavailable men in the beginning. But if you remain to be on the lookout for these signs, you may be able to save yourself from the heartache of dealing with an emotionally unattached partner.
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