Self-Development and its Influence
on Your Relationship
By Susan Saurel
Whether we know it or not, we are all on a self-developing path to becoming better humans. We focus not only on survival, but also on expanding out qualities and enriching our perspectives. We cannot thrive acting like robots, being robots, feeling robots. We might realize that a 9 to 5 job is not enough, that we’re not happy in our relationship, or we might discover that we want to break down the routine and start traveling the world.
Whatever determined you to develop, it’s the right move at the right time! It’s beneficial for both you and your peers, even if there’s a chance you might not realize that right now. But even if it is, what happens when the person next to us doesn’t see us the way they used to? What if we change so much that we are not to be recognized anymore? What should we do in these critical situations?
I might have some answers for you, but don’t completely rely only on these. Rely on your instincts and personal feelings. Go with what your heart tells you, not what your mind orders you to do.
1. Look Within and Observe
The first thing you must do when growing personally is looking within and noticing the likes and dislikes. You’ll want to ask yourself:
- What is the purpose of what I am doing, and why am I holding on to it?
- What are my core values and how do they influence my life?
- What do I want from this life? What does my partner want from life? Do we match?
- Am I prepared for such a significant change? Would my partner understand it?
- If the answer to the last question is yes, where do I begin? If it’s no, how do I expose the problem and talk it out?
- Have I cared enough for myself over the years? Is it time to start? Would I be able to keep living like this?
Before you open up a serious discussion with your partner, you should have an outline of the questions you want to debate upon. He or she might be disorientated and lost, so you might have to lead the conversation.
2. Take Responsibility
If you’ve decided to go for it, you must also own up to it. Take responsibility for your actions and be proud of your choices. Developing personally is no easy task, so you’d better congratulate yourself now. But how does that affect your relationship furthermore, and why is taking responsibility critical? Hmm…. Let’s see:
- By ending playing the blame game, you give your partner an insight into whom you truly are
- By stopping being codependent, you provide them with space and time to think for themselves
- By owning up to your actions, you show them that you are honest and open to any questions
- You give them the chance to discover more of you and the possibility to even fall in love again
- You help them understand the ‘real you’ without putting any masks on
- You develop an inherently real relationship based on true feelings and deep conversations.
Be sincere and give them the chance to understand what you are going through! If they do not listen, try explaining again and again and again.
If, however, you are out of energy, start asking questions: is this relationship fit for me indeed? Can a person who ‘loves you’ be truly uninterested in your personal growth? If so, why?
3. See How It Affects Others
Think about how much you can love others when you start loving yourself! All you have to do is look inside and discover what’s been there for a very long time. Understand your emotions and work with your feelings. Prioritize yourself, and yourself only. Then, act and see how:
- Your sociability is improving, and you feel less anxious
- Your workflow makes you incredibly productive
- You inspire love, friendliness, gratitude to the people around you
- You spread out happiness and can empathize with your loved ones
- You start leading and show off your best qualities that you might not even know you had
- You start getting creative and improving your romantic skills
- You are less stressed and more focused on living in the present
- You develop better, improved relationships, and correct the old wonky ones.
It’s important to be an inspiration for yourself before being an inspiration for others. Working with the ‘inner you’ will not only help you grow personally, but it will also open new communication doors with the people around you.
4. Give Before You Receive
When you think of receiving, pause that thought, and think about giving first. Life is not a self-made equation that works your way precisely. It has its ups and downs, and you must accept everything in order to be happy. When you are going through personal changes, your partner might observe these adjustments quickly. Instead of waiting for them to question your decisions, give them the answers they need.
“My love, this is why I have decided to take one month off writing for my blog, travel solo, and write for myself – I want to understand myself better, to be with myself, and to discover what I have to offer to myself. I haven’t put myself first in years, and I feel the need to. I still love you and want to be with you, but I must love myself first.” This is a good example of something you could tell your loved one without hurting them.
Last but not least, we must accept the changes that we are going through and realize something – if someone does not accept us for who we are, then we must not accept them into our lives either. So, after taking the above steps and solving things out with your partner, ask yourself two vital questions:
- Have I accepted myself for whom I’m about to become? and
- Has he/she accepted me for who I am?
If your answers are not satisfactory, let them go and move on. You don’t need superficial love in your life. Ever!
Going through a self-developing process helps you find a better connection with your loved one. However, if that interferes with your partner’s life plans (and they clearly don’t accept this!), start asking questions. “Are they right for me?” If they do understand where you are coming from, you found the one (and you’ll see how much your relationship will improve!!). If they don’t accept you, leave. It’s that simple!