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Polyamorous Relationship: Things to Consider Before Getting Started

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By Miranda Davis

As the world is changing, so does our attitude towards families and relationships. Today, polyamorous relationships are not exactly common, but they do take place. What's more important, polyamorous arrangements can be the only solution for some people who feel restricted in the traditional monogamous boundaries.

Still, before taking a plunge into polyamory, one should understand exactly how polyamorous relationships work, what their hidden stones are, and — most importantly — if they have a chance for success in your particular case.</description>

Polyamorous relationship types in a nutshell

Polyamorous relationship is a very complex and flexible notion, and the exact type of each arrangement will vary greatly depending on the people involved. Perhaps, the most important thing to remember is that polyamory is about equality, so it cannot be confused with polygamy.

Neither is polyamorous relationship the same as swinging because swingers emphasize sexual aspects of having multiple partners. Polyamorists, on the other hand, are romantically involved with more than one person. The range of involvement may vary, of course. Sometimes, three people can share a mutual commitment, even a living arrangement. In some other cases, two people may be in a long-term committed relationship and occasionally have other dating partners.

Top things to consider before starting a polyamorous relationship experience

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While most see polyamorous relationships as an alternative to monogamy, such arrangements can be more complicated than some think. So, before starting this exciting yet challenging experience, already committed partners will have to consider quite a few things.

Why polyamorous relationship is your option & what’s your real motivation?

This is the first thing you will need to consider and your first building block for any polyamorous relationship, of course. The best motivation is when you and your partner both have romantic feelings for the other individuals, but don’t want to break your union. If, on the other hand, you feel that polyamorous relationship may solve some of your intimate issues, you are definitely taking the wrong direction here. 

Are you and your partners on the same page when defining polyamory?

Since polyamorous relationship is a flexible notion, both of you should make sure you define it right. If you want to start exploring dating sites, you should be prepared that your partner will do the same. It’s best to talk about the details of any polyamorous relationship beforehand. For example, one partner may be looking to involve three (or more) people in a mutual relationship, while another may be just hoping for casual dates on the side. You should onlysearchfor a polyamorous relationship dating site if you both are confident you are 100% on the same page.

Does your relationship have a solid foundation?

Polyamorous relationship isn’t a cure for a monogamous partnership that’s gone astray. In fact, it requires way more trust and sensitivity than a traditional union. If both parties are not secure in their current situation, giving polyamorous arrangement a try is a certain way to make matters even worse. If you are both confident about your current situation, polyamorous relationship benefits can far outweigh its cons.

Are you ready to set some ground rules?

If you feel that you two are ready for this polyamorous change, it is crucial to set some ground rules. Of course, no one is talking about fixed contracts here, but some boundaries have to be defined. For example, is it ok to go on a date and miss your partner's party? How much are you going to share about your dates? Will you ever meet your partner's dates? Are there any people who are absolutely off-limits?


Honest answers to all of these questions will help you understand if polyamory can work for you and your current partner. Even then, remember that this is a sensitive arrangement that may have to be reconsidered somewhere along the road as more questions and issues arise on the go. Which suggestions would you add to this polyamorous relationship checklist? Have you ever thought about this option in your life?

About the author:

Miranda Davis is a freelance writer in relationships and psychology area. Miranda is interested in such topics as building healthy relationships between people, love/sex compatibility, and how to find the right balance in life in general. She is currently doing specific research on the best dating sites on the topic. Miranda loves cooking and long-distance walking.

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