Trans4mind Home Page
~ A Journey of Self-Discovery ~

Looking for a better life?

Our online, interactive video workshops present the most effective methods of holistic personal development, combined with personal support from expert life coaches.

How to Begin Reconciliation

By Lira Kay

In our lives we inevitably make relationship mistakes, or at least, we think that we do. Todays piece is not about dwelling in who was wrong and who was wronged, but it's about what to do when a break up of a valuable relationship had already occurred. We are going to define one way we can begin to approach what should be and could be mended.

Restoring damaged relationships is an effort. A lot of things come to consideration for the one who attempts to make the first move: the fear of re-entering the pain that even the thought of reaching the opponent may bring, the inner conflict between whether or not that reconciliation is necessary, and not knowing how to begin.

I can confirm that over-coming the fear of emotional pain, as well as making a firm decision about reconnecting is a must if you want to have a heart and energy to precede.

In dealing with those two elements of reconciliation I invite you to think objectively, bring in a common sense and common wisdom about forgiveness. We all can agree that forgiveness is a steady and, often, the only path to freedom, salvation and love, all collectively manifesting an inner peace the broken relationship might be robbing you off from. You may think about forgiveness of another person, your opponent, or yourself or the circumstances, or the god itself, or all of them together. Really it is the act of forgiveness, the ritual of acceptance and unconditional surrender to love that will bring you comfort. Once you understand the value of your inner peace it's going to be easier to make the first step.

Now let's talk about your first step. From my experience with working with many women who felt either victimized or guilty, depending on which side of the conflict they were brought up to perceive themselves on, forgiveness actually wasn't the hardest part of reconciling process. It was the actuality of facing the opponent again in the real situation. They treasured their newly obtained peace so much that they would avoid at any cost confronting the person they managed to forgive.

And, you know what? As a compassionate being I could agree with them on that. But unfortunately, some times, there was no other ways: they really had to make those broken relationships work. Examples are: the parent and child relationship, or a couple which have children to look after, or an ailing parent needing help.

So here I want to give you three things you can start doing before you enter any close proximity with the person you may have forgiven in general terms but just can't seem to embrace with an open mind and heart, not yet anyway.

First step is to make a clear intention to re-start a relationship.

Here you can look at couple of elements playing a part: one is an understanding that you can start anew vs going back to what you had in the past. This will allow you to create new expectations or even minimize your expectations to simply seeing how it works out.

Another element is having a vision of what kind of relationship you would want to have with that person. Again to avoid the danger of premature disappointment, I recommend sticking with how you want to feel in that relationship. Find one positive aspect, a feeling you want to have during your first interaction, adding on as you go along, and use that feeling as an indicator of whether or not you are succeeding.

For example, one of my clients wanted to be able to be in the same room with her husband, who she felt, had betrayed her, and feel all right, like she can continue do what she would be doing and not fall into pieces or start arguing or bring up the past. That was a good modest goal she could begin with. It certainly helped her to gain confidence in herself, start trusting her own ability to be independently happy. From that strength she could continue to explore and express her needs within a renewed relationship, ask for more and give more.

Next thing after making a clear intention to reconcile is visualization of a positive outcome. If you ever were or are in the middle of a breakup that need to be mended, you would know how difficult it is to contain yourself from anger and bitterness, or guilt and embarrassment, both equally destructive for your new beginning. It seems impossible to bring yourself to a state of perfect inner peace from which you can open up and towards the other.

Visualization prepares you to contain yourself within those new positive intentions you had created earlier when it matters the most, at the very beginning of your first reconnection.

Here is a beautiful visualization I had used many times I needed help with facing people I avoided due to anger or quilt. I call this process a Rose Prayer...

A Rose Prayer

  • Take a real rose beautifully scented and hold it in your hands, seeing it gently unfold its petals between your palms.
  • On the inhale think of a person you want to reconcile with and breathe in the scent of a rose. On the exhale say their name.
  • On the next inhale imagine the face of that person, smell the rose, and on the exhale say one word, one kind wish you are holding for them.
  • Repeat the ritual of inhaling the beauty and aroma of the rose with the image of your person and exhaling the prayer for them, your vision of them being happy, healthy, peaceful and content.

This process can help you to begin thinking about yourself as someone who can handle their feelings, someone who had practiced compassion and kindness. Believe me, it will absolutely make the difference when the real situation comes up. The scent of a rose is something you can come back to whenever you want to reinforce your confidence and positive expectations of your reconnection.

I am wishing you all the best in this most important humane process. I hope knowing how to approach the broken relationships would help you to make your first step to forgiveness and begin your healing and reconnection with your loved ones.

Lira Kay offers professional life coaching support for women and men looking to gain confidence and take inspired action to move forward big time in their relationships and career. Learn more at She's Got Passion! and get your free Self Love assessment, Unconditional Love video course and 6-day Emotional Rescue Kit workbook.

Would you like to have more meaningful relationships?


Click here to learn about developing your communication skills ➜

More personal development articles at the Counterpoint Article Library

From our extensive site, you'll find good info on many topics using this search:
Visit the INSIDE-OUT Blog
Wallace Huey & Peter Shepherd
Imagine if - with the help of personal development - the values of the heart could be brought into our families, communities and businesses... What kind of a world would this create?
By Wallace Huey & Peter Shepherd, Trans4mind Founders

Support your personal development with these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

  • Public Speaking Fear ~ Banish speaking anxiety and nerves with hypnosis.
  • Motivate Yourself to Exercise ~ Build a powerful exercise habit that you can't break.
  • Get Rid of Fear & Anxiety ~ Stop worry and apprehension wrecking your life.
  • Self Esteem ~ Break the negative trance of low self esteem and give yourself a chance in life.
  • Create Your Own Reality ~ Use the power of your unconscious mind to transform your life.
  • Deeper Self Respect ~ Use hypnosis to connect with your true inner worth.
  • Detach From Fear ~ Tune out nervousness and anxiety with hypnosis.
  • Improving Concentration and Focus ~ Learn how to discipline, direct and command your mind to improve your performance.
  • Exercise Motivation ~ Give you powerful keys to getting back on track with your exercise - and staying there.
  • Overcoming Shyness ~ Provides an invisible security blanket allowing you to develop social ease and overcome shyness.
  • Quick Confidence Booster ~ An audio hypnosis session that's specifically designed to get you (quickly!) back on track.
  • Stop Negative Thoughts ~ Learn powerful hypnotic techniques to stop negative thoughts before they start.
  • Overcoming Procrastination ~ Let hypnosis help you get on with what you need to do, when you need to do it. Let nothing hold you back.
  • Think Thin ~ Use hypnosis to re-train your brain and lose weight naturally... that's how to get and stay slim.
  • Fall Asleep Fast ~ Relearn how to fall asleep fast and enjoy a good night's sleep.
  • The Next Level ~ Designed to radically boost your performance in any field. It's based on a technique used by top athletes and other successful people to help them make a big stride forward.
This is our selection of favorites, but there's a session for every need! Choose from over 800 Hypnosis Downloads...
Search now on an issue that interests or concerns you...
Get a free Hypnosis Download at Facebook

Welcome to the New Wave in Meditation Technology

Click here to learn more about the iAwake Profound Meditation Program
The iAwake Profound Meditation Program
is a way of enhancing your meditation practice, making meditation not only easier and more enjoyable, but also more efficient and effective.
Profound Meditation provides the smoothest, deepest, richest, most profound meditation experience available anywhere...
Here is a link to a free 20-minute track from iAwake Technologies - a sample of the type of tools that will deepen your meditation immediately and help you quickly become a successful meditator. It's the opening track of iAwake's flagship product, the Profound Meditation Program, called the iAwake Experience...
Learn More and Download the iAwake Experience
I think you'll find this technology a tremendous aid on your transformative journey of becoming your best and most creative self - and you can get started today!
Copyright © 1997-2017 Trans4mind Ltd