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Romance Without Relationships? Yes!

By Jim Hinds

People ask me: "Can you have romance without a relationship? or is it just for lovers only?" The answer: YES. I never really got the concept of romance until someone just glowed when talking of snorkeling Australia's Great Barrier Reef. Then the concept came home!

Romance is actually the pursuit of life's peak experiences. So what if one or more of your peak experiences do not have to do with a love interest? What would be an example of this? Maybe an artist, whose goal is to express that inner something in the form of a photo or painting. Or maybe a musician, in search of Jimmy Durante's "Lost Chord". Yes, these and other examples are just as must romantic as a journey to find your soul mate! So here is the romantic journey for peak experience. It has five key ingredients. Each has to be in place and in place permanently. They are:

  1. Passion. You gotta want it. And want it good. It has to be so compelling to give you the energy to overcome the rocks in the road to your goal.

  2. Communication. Can you talk about everything that needs to be talked about? And make sure that you hear what your partner is meaning? And vice-versa?

  3. Compatible Values. Those important values. You must find out which of your values are more important than your quest for your soul mate. There should be very few, and they must be 100% compatible with your partner's. If a value conflict does come up, you must be able to get them matched up, ASAP!

  4. Right Action. After you and your partner have communicated, and after you have followed both your values, you can discern what is the right thing to do. And then you do it. Without fear or hesitation.

  5. And make your Vow. Only when your partner sees that you can do the first four steps, will your partner be able to accept your vow to the future. A vow is a one-sided contract: you can't take it to the judge and say "boo-hoo-hoo, she done me wrong." You gotta be able to do it. And it must be in 100% agreement with both your values.
And when you get done with that, start from step 2, the communication step, again!

Do you want examples? What about Donald Trump? His romance is business. Especially real estate with his name on it. So does he have a passion? Is his communication direct, complete and vivid? Are all of his values in alignment for business? Does he do the 'right thing' according to those values? And has he dedicated his life to pursuing that passion?

Now substitute Nelson Mandela for Mr. Trump and racial harmony for business. Ask the same questions. Again you will get "yes" for answers!

But you can't get your values in alignment with lots of emotional baggage. Get rid of that. You can't get your communication up to strength without lots of inner work. You cant discern 'right action' without listening to your inner voice.

This is why it is often easier to pursue a romance that isn't a relationship or love based. Because it is harder to follow your own emotions and inner voice. It can easily be drowned out by echoes of your parents, minister, rabbi, ex-spouse. All those sources of possibly obsolete learnings that pop up as inconvenient emotions.

Jim Hinds runs the Celarien website. Also check out Jim's blog at Jahbini.org.

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