Trans4mind Home Page
Home Article Library Communication & Relationships

How Do I Find My Soulmate When I Can't Even Get a Date?!

By Tanya Haden Tebb

"Men and women are human magnets. Just as a steel magnet drawn through a pile of rubbish will pull out only the things, which have an affinity for it, so we are constantly drawing to us, establishing relations with, the things and the people that respond to our thoughts and ideals." —Orison Swett Marden

Ladies, I have a question for you: Do you wonder why you can't find your dream man? Do you long for a soulmate, your one true love, that man who will whisk you away to your happily ever after? If you do, ask yourself this: Why haven't you found him yet? And, while you're flashing back on all the reasons why, consider this...

The Universal Law of Attraction states that people are like magnets. A magnet attracts iron ore because that's what its made up of. People attract other people who are "made up" of the same stuff, like hopes, desires, fears, feelings, and so on. For example, in a very basic way, when you smile at somebody, do people smile back at you? Yes, most often they do. This is the law of attraction working. When you smile people are drawn to your positive energy, it makes them feel good, and as a result they smile back which makes you feel good; like attracting like.

So, do you think this law of attraction is true in your own life? Do you believe you can you really attract the positive and negative just like a magnet? The things you want—like money, power, and confidence? Even the things you don't want—debt, conflict, or poor self image? How about you think you can use this law to attract your one true love just as surely as to attract not-so-good relationships? Let's explore this a little further by thinking about how you talk to your girlfriends about men, dating, and love.

When you're chatting with the girls, do you hear yourself saying things like "I'm never going to find my Mr. Right" or "There must be something wrong with me," or "I hate dating," or "My one true love must not exist," or "I don't believe in soulmates."? If you do, do you think such negative thoughts and expressions as these have any connection with why you haven't found your true love yet? Or, do you think they're totally unconnected and that at any moment your dream man is going to materialize out of thin air, whisk you off your feet, and you'll live happily ever after? If you think the latter, it's time for a reality check!

Ask yourself this: Would you be attracted to a man who had such a woe-is-me attitude, low self esteem, negative outlook on life, and no dreams for his relationship future? Um, I didn't think so. So why should a man be attracted to you if this is the "man magnet" you're casting out into the world?

Skill skeptical? Still think a man is magically going to appear? Still want to buck the law of attraction? Don't worry; you're absolutely right: A man will appear. He'll likely be Mr. Wrong, ready to exploit your self-doubt, and if he doesn't make your life miserable right away, he'll at least keep you from finding somebody better...for a long time to come! And, if by that time your attitude still hasn't changed, the next man you'll attract isn't going to be Mr. Wrong, he's going to be Mr. Really Wrong!

You see, try to resist it as you will, when you affirm these negative messages and desires, you are calling on the law of attraction to work for you. And, dutifully, obediently, and without question, it will. The only problem is that you're asking the universe to send you the opposite of what you truly want!

Now, you're in a real pickle because you've got what you asked for, but it's not what you want. When you state "I don't want this or that" and "I don't need such and such," it's exactly what you attract. Then you find yourself wondering why you "just can't get a break," "why everybody else is falling in love but me," and you're left to wallow in the idea that you're "going to grow old alone." If this is how you feel, you're not alone. Many women (and, yes, men, too) don't know how to affirm what they do want. They only know how to define what they do not want. In affirming the negative, this is the very thing they attract.

But, before you get mad at the law of attraction, you must realize "it" doesn't care one way or the other if you're happy or sad, with Mr. Right or Mr. Wrong. The law works without judgment, without bias, and without any sentiment of "I sure hope she finds her dream man this time!" If you want to begin attracting your true love, then things are going to need to change and you are going to need to be the one who changes them.

Change your focus to the positive, to the self affirming, and to your ideal, and your man magnetism is going to start attracting your Mr. Right (and, likely, many of them!) immediately.

You might be asking yourself, "Gee, this all sounds good, but how the heck do I actually stop focusing on a lifetime of bad dates, dead-end relationships, and deadbeat guys?" or "Hey, I don't even know where to begin imagining who my true love or ideal man really is. How do I get started?" I'm glad you asked!

You can start making the universal law of attraction work in your favor by answering seven super simple questions:

  1. Define the type of relationship you want
    "I want to meet the man of my dreams," isn't going to cut it. Be specific, e.g., "I want to find a husband who is passionate about his career and loves kids. He enjoys cycling and picnics in the park." or "I desire to have a wild love affair with a French man who has curly black hair and brown eyes." or "I would love to go on a romantic date with a man who buys me flowers and makes me laugh."
  2. How does this man treat you?
    E.g., He takes me out to dinner, buys me flowers, holds my hand, finds my jokes funny, tells me I am beautiful, pampers me and treats me like a princess, rubs my feet after a long day...
  3. How does it feel when you are with him?
    E.g., I tremble when he brushes past me, my heart beats faster when I hear his name, we talk and talk for hours as if we have known each other for years, I feel safe when his strong arms are around me, it is like music to my ears when I hear his laughter...
  4. What does he look like?
    E.g., He has a warm smile, big muscles, blonde hair and green eyes, black hair and brown eyes, curly brown hair, tall/short, dark/fair skinned, freckles...
  5. What does he do for fun?
    E.g., Work out at the gym, listen to/play music, cycle, play golf/football/tennis, eat out, go to bars/clubs, hiking, mountain climbing, reading, swimming, travel...
  6. Where will you meet this man?
    E.g., I meet him at an airport, sports bar, night club, on the internet, through friends, by chance, at a wedding, in the grocery/video store, library, at the beach, gym, tennis club...
  7. How will you know you've found him?
    E.g., He proposes to me on a starry night. We are lying together on a sandy beach listening to the waves crashing against the shore. I wake up in the morning to find him making me breakfast in the kitchen. Our eyes meet across a crowded room and he comes over and asks me to dance...
When you have answered all of these questions, you are ready to let the law of attraction start working for you. You know exactly what you are looking for, where to find it, and how to know when you have found it. So now all you have to do is take a few minutes to think over your responses, and then close your eyes and imagine the man of your dreams. See him, hear him, touch him, feel him...even taste him!

Take time to affirm these positive images daily. Breathe in deeply letting the air fill every cell in your body with the image of what you desire. With every exhalation feel the peace and joy that comes with knowing your desire is already fulfilled... and it really is... the universal law of attraction will start drawing your dream man (or men!) to you almost immediately.

Don't believe me? Give it a try and see the results for yourself. Isn't it time for you to recognize your magnetic potential within and—snap—start attracting your perfect man now?

Tanya Haden Tebb is an international relationship expert, renowned hypnotherapist and author of the book How To Attract Men: The Goddess Secrets.
More Communication & Relationships articles