Trans4mind Home Page
~ A Journey of Self-Discovery ~


By Amanda Gore

Expectations are far more powerful than we recognize. Our expectations can - and usually do - control our perceptions, which in turn create our reality. Cognitive scientists have found that our mental maps and what we expect impact our experiences far more than we realize.

Our expectations cause us to focus our attention on what we expect to see - not what is really there. In other words, we see what we expect to see and we feel what we expect to feel, we hear what we expect to hear etc.

In Australia, the most common greeting is "Hi, how are you?" In fact it is so common that even when someone meets us and says just "Hi!" we reply with "Hi, fine thanks!" - even though they did not ask us how we were! We expected to hear "Hi, how are you?" and we responded to that and not to what was actually said. I know this happens in the USA as well!

If we 'have faith' (read: expect it to work) in a particular technique to remove pain, that technique usually works. Think of the placebo effect - where people, thinking they are being given pain relieving drugs are given sugar pills (expecting them to be pain relieving drugs) after which they experience significant reduction in pain.

One of our most challenging tasks is to become aware of the expectations we have hidden away in the recesses of our brains and minds! Many of these can be set up from our childhoods - think of your parents and how they behaved. Most parents are doing the best they can so this is not an indictment on your parents - or you as a parent! My Dad was an alcoholic, and I have recently realized that I had a deep belief that I could not rely on men, which had of course become an expectation that all men would usually disappoint me!

Of course this is not true but it took me 53 years to discover it lurking in my being! Call me a slow learner, but I am just grateful I finally shone a light on it! I don't want to have that belief and expectation because it is obviously not true. Some people may disappoint me but not all men as a rule!

Are you an optimist or a pessimist? In other words, do you wake up and expect things to go well - do you wake up and think "I wonder what blessings will emerge today?" or do you wake up groaning and imagining (expecting!) all the things that will probably go wrong or how difficult the day will be or how miserable you feel etc!

Do you expect things to work out in the best way possible or that everything you do will be full of challenges; eg. "with my luck, the car probably won't start," or "no one will notice me, I am boring," or "no one cares about me," or "I'll never find a car space this morning."

Another life lesson I learned from a former partner was about finding car spaces! Whenever we went driving, he always expected to find a car space very close to our destination. I, on the other hand, at that time, expected NOT to find a car space! As soon as I was aware of our differences in thinking, I started to look for car spaces and told myself I would find one easily and close to where I wanted to be - and lo and behold it worked!

In short, do you expect the worst or best as a rule? The research suggests that when we have a moment of insight - an 'ah ha' moment - in which we suddenly become aware of something we might have been doing to affect our reality, we can make a change. So this is my wish for you for the beginning of 2008 - that you have many moments of insight into which you realize an expectation you may have and decide whether it is helpful or not.

What do you expect of your partner? How do you expect them to behave or react to ideas or things you say and do? Is it the truth or do we distort the reality and perceive their behavior in a way that confirms our expectation? How do you view your colleagues at work? Do you expect people to be helpful and smart or to be impediments to your progress?

What about an expectation of life? Do you expect life to be full of surprises and blessings and that things usually have a way of working out? I have made a decision to wake up each day and say to myself 'I wonder what blessings will unfold today?'

Stuff happens and how do you view the stuff? Do you believe stuff happens and then go about with a hopeful and positive expectation that it will be interesting to see how things work out? Does stuff happen and you internally cry out, "Oh no, I knew this would happen!" Or do you become conscious of what you are saying to yourself about it - and stop yourself falling into the old pattern and say instead, "Oh, that's interesting! I wonder how this is going to be turned into something good!" Some might say this is wishful thinking or not realistic but looking with rose colored glasses is better than looking through dark murky lenses!

So make a decision to become conscious of your expectations and beliefs and see what 'ah ha' moments you have today! Ask yourself, "Is this really what is happening, or just what I expected to happen? Could I look at this or perceive things in a different way?" Spend just a few minutes dwelling on what people might expect of and from you! How do you think they expect you to behave or react? Maybe ask a few people and see if any insights arise from that exercise!

We all have our own perceptions of the truth and our perceptions are determined by our expectations... so uncovering our expectations, changing those that need to be changed might help us all have happier lives!

Amanda is an Aussie (living in the U.S.) and an expert on joy and being connected. Her speaking, writing, and whole life is committed to helping people connect their hearts with other people's hearts, and reconnect their own hearts with their heads! In other words, Amanda speaks about the emotional intelligence that makes us more successful at work and at home. Sign up for Amanda's monthly newsletter, "The Endorphin Injection!" at Amanda

Would you like to have more meaningful relationships?


Click here to learn about developing your communication skills ➜

Looking for a better life?

Our online, interactive video workshops present the most effective methods of holistic personal development, covering the full range of challenges all of us inevitably meet in life.
Start off with a Free Life Assessment and a Free Intro Session...

Have a question about Trans4mind Training?

Frequently Asked Questions
What Are Our Fees?
Email Peter Shepherd
More personal development articles at the Counterpoint Article Library

Good info on many topics:

Support your personal development with these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

  • Sweet Tooth ~ Train your brain to lose your sweet tooth.
  • Finish What You Start ~ Sprint all the way past the finish line.
  • Do It Now ~ A hypnosis audio to trigger deep, emotionally driven activity.
  • Life Priorities ~ Hypnosis can help you clarify what really matters to you.
  • Stop Thinking About Someone ~ A session to help you move on from thoughts that have been constantly pestering you.
  • Public Speaking Fear ~ Banish speaking anxiety and nerves with hypnosis.
  • Motivate Yourself to Exercise ~ Build a powerful exercise habit that you can't break.
  • Get Rid of Fear & Anxiety ~ Stop worry and apprehension wrecking your life.
  • Self Esteem ~ Break the negative trance of low self esteem and give yourself a chance in life.
  • Create Your Own Reality ~ Use the power of your unconscious mind to transform your life.
  • Deeper Self Respect ~ Use hypnosis to connect with your true inner worth.
  • Detach From Fear ~ Tune out nervousness and anxiety with hypnosis.
  • Improving Concentration and Focus ~ Learn how to discipline, direct and command your mind to improve your performance.
  • Exercise Motivation ~ Give you powerful keys to getting back on track with your exercise - and staying there.
  • Overcoming Shyness ~ Provides an invisible security blanket allowing you to develop social ease and overcome shyness.
  • Quick Confidence Booster ~ An audio hypnosis session that's specifically designed to get you (quickly!) back on track.
  • Stop Negative Thoughts ~ Learn powerful hypnotic techniques to stop negative thoughts before they start.
  • Overcoming Procrastination ~ Let hypnosis help you get on with what you need to do, when you need to do it. Let nothing hold you back.
  • Think Thin ~ Use hypnosis to re-train your brain and lose weight naturally... that's how to get and stay slim.
  • Fall Asleep Fast ~ Relearn how to fall asleep fast and enjoy a good night's sleep.
  • The Next Level ~ Designed to radically boost your performance in any field. It's based on a technique used by top athletes and other successful people to help them make a big stride forward.
This is our selection of favorites, but there's a session for every need! Choose from over 800 Hypnosis Downloads...
Search now on an issue that interests or concerns you...
Get a free Hypnosis Download at Facebook

Welcome to the New Wave in Meditation Technology

Click here to learn more about the iAwake Profound Meditation Program
The iAwake Profound Meditation Program
is a way of enhancing your meditation practice, making meditation not only easier and more enjoyable, but also more efficient and effective.
Profound Meditation provides the smoothest, deepest, richest, most profound meditation experience available anywhere...
Here is a link to a free 20-minute track from iAwake Technologies - a sample of the type of tools that will deepen your meditation immediately and help you quickly become a successful meditator. It's the opening track of iAwake's flagship product, the Profound Meditation Program, called the iAwake Experience...
Learn More and Download the iAwake Experience
I think you'll find this technology a tremendous aid on your transformative journey of becoming your best and most creative self - and you can get started today!
Copyright © 1997-2017 Trans4mind Ltd