How Can Couples Counselling Help
If you're dealing with problems in your relationship that are not getting resolved, it may be time to seek outside help. Relationship counselling is an effective way to get back on the right path before the relationship starts going south. Couples that go too long without some resolution to their problems eventually get to the point of no return and separate. Here's how can counselling can help.
1. It Can Help Identify Negative Patterns
When it comes to persistent problems that aren't getting resolved, the culprit is usually negative patterns. Couples can get used to behaving and responding in specific ways that are not conducive to a solution or makes things worse. The patterns can be attributed to the dynamics of the relationship itself or from the patterns of the individuals involved.
An example is a woman in the relationship feeling neglected over the partner's workaholic tendencies. The woman becomes resentful and does little things to hurt her partner. As a result, the man tries to avoid taking time off from work because of the way the woman is treating him. This only results in the woman's resentment getting worse.
These kinds of patterns are self-perpetuating. While it may be able to get an idea of what's going on from the outside, it can be challenging for the people in the relationship to be aware of what their actual problems are. When couples get accustomed to specific patterns, the patterns often become invisible. This is why couples counselling is so valuable.
2. You Can Identify the Underlying Causes of Patterns
Just identifying patterns isn't enough to resolve problems in a relationship. As individuals, we pick up patterns from our family, friends, culture, and global environment. Because many of these patterns were reinforced over many years of programming, it's not easy to drop the pattern or switch to a new one.
If we go back to the previous example, it may be possible that the man had come from a family where nobody spoke about their feelings. The family may even have used shame to dismiss the legitimate feelings of family members. As a result, the man in the relationship may have become used to avoiding relationship tension rather than addressing them directly.
It's valuable for couples to understand why their partner is behaving the way they're behaving. It's easy to think that a person's behavior is intentional when it's just a pattern they developed from growing up in unhealthy environments. Once couples realize this, they can become more empathetic and compassionate towards each other, which is a big first step towards resolution.
3. Sometimes You Need a Third Party to Find Solutions
Many couples can disagree on big life decisions. Decisions like how many kids to have, where they want to live, and how they want to raise their kids. The problem with these decisions is that there is no right or wrong choice. When it comes to situations like these, couples counselling can help couples think things through and come up with a satisfactory compromise.
Sometimes you need a third party to come in to help facilitate the meaningful discussions that need to be had. This is especially important if couples can't agree with each other, and the debates turn into big arguments. A counsellor can work with couples to figure out what's important to each person in the relationship. From here, the couple can get an idea of what they agree on and work towards a mutual solution.
These are just three examples of how couples counselling can help couples struggling with issues in their relationship. Every problem is unique and deserves dedicated attention and help from a qualified professional. It's always a better decision to get professional advice early on rather than try to patch things up when everything has broken down.