7 Tips to Communicate Better with Your Spouse
Communication is the key to any relationship, and its necessity is felt even more when building a healthy long-term relationship with your spouse since you are practically spending your entire life with him/her. But, communicating is easier said than done. Our ideas of spousal relations are so fabricated by what we see on films and television or read in novels that at times, we take it for granted. This is primarily because marriage is completely different from dating and the communication that you used to have with your partner while dating will shift after you are married.
One of the famous quotes about communication says, “Communication works for those who work at it.” And we couldn’t agree more. You have to invest your time and patience into it. It is difficult, we won’t deny that; but, hey, it’s worth it! With the help of certain tips, you can improve your communication with your spouse. Here’s how…
How to Improve Your Communication with Your Spouse?
You may feel that you have a great communication skills based on your interaction with different kinds of people on free dating sites, but marriage is a whole other ballgame. That is why we have cumulated a few highly effective and easy-to-execute tips to help you have a better understanding of your spouse. They are as follows:
One way to screw up a conversation is by appearing distracted. Therefore, when you are having an open, honest, and healthy conversation with your spouse, it is of utmost importance to appear attentive. Just imagine how you would feel if you are trying to talk about something important and then you find your spouse scrolling through his or her social media feeds.
So, if you don’t like that feeling, make sure you don’t give that feeling to your spouse. Sit down with her or take a walk somewhere and look into his or her eyes while holding the conversation. This non-verbal communication of being attentive will help calm your spouse down (if he or she is angry) and will help him or her realize that you are making an effort.
There is a reason why you have been blessed with one mouth and two ears. This is because you are meant to listen more and talk less. Of course, we aren’t saying that you need to always take a back seat during a conversation. You definitely need to have your voice heard.
But start with listening. Figure out what is bothering your spouse. Learn to his or her grievances. Only after you listen and assess the situation, then you can make your point across. Most of the times, you will realize after listening to your spouse that it was simply a misunderstanding that was stopping you two to have a healthy communication line. So, listen before you talk.
Don’t start a conversation by accusing your partner. The whole blame-game never derives a meaningful conversation. This is because once you blame your spouse, he or she will blame you back, and then you will blame him or her again, and suddenly you both will find yourself back to square one.
So, just end this habit of accusing at the start. Work your issues out like adults. Put yourself in your spouse’s shoes and see where he or she is coming from. You need to practice empathy. Another important aspect that you need to take care of while trying to build a smooth communication line with your spouse is that you need to understand that a lot of the actions and reactions are circumstantial. So, if you have to blame anything, blame the circumstances.
Moreover, you need to realize that what good will blaming anyone bring? Instead of constant repetitions of the problem, try and find its solution.
When having a conversation with your partner, you have to be open and accepting of his or her faults. Many couples simply don’t engage in an open conversation out of the fear of being judged.
If you truly love your spouse, then you need to be non-judgmental about their choices and decisions. You may disagree with some of their choices and decisions, but you can’t dismiss them off completely just because they don’t match with your choices and decisions.
Also, when you are being non-judgemental, not only will your partner open up to you more, but he or she will understand that he or she is being understood by you. This will also make him or her become non-judgmental towards you as well.
Validate Your Spouse’s Feelings
A lot of the times, it happens that people invalidate the feelings of their spouses by stating that whatever their spouses are feeling, it’s an imagination or it is all in their head.
This is an extremely unhealthy practice. If you don’t acknowledge or simply invalidate the feelings of your spouse, why will they sit down and have an open line of communication with you? We understand that at times, your spouse might say something that you find unbelievable or wildly untrue or even impossible, but you need to hear out the entire story before coming to a conclusion.
You need to figure out why your partner is doing what he or she is doing, and that starts by validating your partner’s feelings. Mind you, we aren’t asking you to encourage any improper behaviour of your partner. We are simply asking you to understand their struggle and then take the appropriate action.
Acknowledge the Positive Aspects
Most people love compliments. Some like it when they are said loud and clear, while some prefer when compliments are given more subtlety. However, be genuine about it because people can see through you if you are giving fake compliments.
So, tell your partner what you love about him/her and acknowledge the positive aspects. This will help your partner be a better person since he/she will focus more on the positive traits than the negative ones. He/she will understand what you love about him/her, and thus will try to focus on it more.
Bring the Touch of Comfort
Physical proximity plays a vital role in the relationship between you and your spouse. Therefore, while communicating, try and hold your spouse’s hands. Remember not to make these touches sexual. These are more for generating comfort.
It gives an assurance to your partner. It makes your spouse feel that you are there for them. However, if your spouse doesn’t want to be touched while having a conversation, you need to oblige.
Communication is like a skill, and it can be improved if worked upon. Surprisingly, many people in marriage fail to communicate with the person they are spending the most time with. Make sure you are not one of them.