Seven Things to Consider Before Getting Engaged
By Elliot Caleira
There will come a time in your life when you will get an engagement ring from either a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Engagement is a big step in one's life and you have to know how to handle it. The thought of getting engaged can make you see the future faster than you realized. It might be something you were hoping for but suddenly you've become seriously overwhelmed. Everyone has been there for the most part and we all happened to respond differently on what exactly should we do. Here are seven things you need to consider before you sign on to that engagement.
Is this the right person and longevity
The first thing you need to ask yourself is if your other half is the right person for you. The funny thing about this is that prior to the engagement your partner seemed to be the one and you were totally on board. Now that engagement has entered the picture, you might be getting some cold feet. It's normal to think, is this really the person I want to marry and spend the rest of my life with? Everyone has a tendency to freak out when it comes down to getting hitched in the next year. You need to either know this in your heart or you will be lost. Don't dive into something you are unsure of and can't find a way out.
The second thing is that once you are given that an engagement ring, you have to think about the longevity of the relationship. Will you both make it past the two year itch after marriage? How long will you be together after the actual engagement? For some reason, too many find themselves engaged, then within months they are running for the hills. The pressure is too much and people often bail.
All of these questions need to answered before you accept any kind or proposal or searching around on how to buy an engagement ring. One needs to understand very clearly that engagement means you are committed to that one person and that's it. Most people get scared thinking too hard about the future and what it will bring. You have to be in it for the long haul or not at ll. One minute you are excited you are engaged, then it hits you like a brick that you will have to get used to being with the same person all the time.
Money, bills and financial health
The third big issue that often comes up is money. When couples get together, it can be a beautiful thing for the moment. However, as time passes and they find themselves engaged and it can make the mind race a little faster. Engagement is a wonderful moment in anyone's life. However, when it comes to money, this happiness can turn to a disaster. Whoever you decided to get engaged to make sure you both are on the same page when it comes to money.
Fourth, bills can destroy any engagement. Is your other half good with handling money or do they constantly rack up bills? Are they good at paying bills on time and how responsible are they? It's best to sort these sort of issues out before you jump into that engagement. It's at this time you start getting closer and looking a little bit more into each other's financial health. The couples need to already have a healthy financial life. We all have bills to pay. There is no sense getting with someone who ignores bills and has a shopping habit to make more.
Financial health is the fifth thing to consider as it can be one of the biggest reasons couples find themselves single again. Try to talk to each other freely about money and see where you fall. Share your income statement, taxes and all bills that you need to pay way before you get engaged. You should never accept an engagement when you know good and well that you've got thousands of dollars of debt in credit cards. This can be a disaster if you never share this information. Further, if you have gotten this far when it comes to getting engaged, you should have already known about the other person's financial habits.
Lifestyle and Maturity
The sixth issue falls on lifestyle and maturity. How you live your life prior to engagement should be just the same when you do get engaged. Don't find yourself with someone who all of a sudden upends their life and is a completely different person. They didn't party before, but now that they are engaged they are letting it rip at every bar you go to. Alcoholism is nothing to toy with and if your loved one is heading down this road, then you need to halt the engagement entirely. Seek out the help they need. It is possible you both like to party, but the other has just taken it way too far in the last couple months. It also might be where someone who was healthy and fit is now eating junk food like it's going out of style. Both people should have the same lifestyle that each other likes. If there is a sudden change in how you lead your lifestyle, then you may run into problems.
Next, maturity can be everything when you make the commitment to get engaged. You don't want to see another weird side of anyone when you decide to accept the proposal. Maturity can go a long way in terms of how you will handle problems in life. How will you both deal with tragedy or financial collapse? Engagements obviously lead to marriage so is your partner really mature enough to settle down or are they getting engaged because it's the thing to do and everyone else is doing it? Have a heart to heart talk and address all of these questions. You can find out a lot about someone once they agree to an engagement. Allow your maturity to grow, but first get on the same page as developing adults.
There are a lot of people out there who dream of getting engaged one day and living happily ever after with their soulmate. That's all good and dandy, but you still need to look at reality and what it will bring you. Have a good grip on your partner and know they are the right person for you and no one else comes close. You need to be emotionally locked into the other person. Understand that engagement means the next step is marriage. Most people plan to have longevity in their marriage. You need to be prepared for this as well...
And seventh, money needs to be a top discussion before you commit to an engagement. Find out how much debt you have between the two of you. Make a plan to get it down or erase it before you actually do get married. Snoop a little bit to make sure your partner is debt free and isn't leading you on. Engagement can mean you both are in it together and ready to fight the storm. Pay down on all bills and make sure your partner doesn't have a bad habit of not paying them at all.
Finally, your lifestyle shouldn't adjust drastically because you are getting engaged. Get ready to face life's problems head on with all the maturity you can muster. If your partner is immature, then sit them down and have a serious talk. This could be along the lines that you both are going into a serious life change and you both need to act appropriately.
Elliot Caleira is a freelance writer in the self-mastery and health and wellness spaces. When he's not writing you'll find him cooking or teaching Portuguese classes. More articles by Elliot.