Trans4mind Home Page
~ A Journey of Self-Discovery ~

How We Avoid Conscious Relationships

By Hether Ayres

  1. We play hide and seek with our feelings
    You must have honesty and openness in order to create a truly spiritual, conscious, sacred relationship. It is critical to communicate feelings as they occur or as soon as possible. When we don't communicate openly, we create a distance and strain in the relationship. By holding back, we remove the sacred feelings that we seek.

  2. We sit in the victim corner
    This plays out in many different fashions in our relationship: in our communication, in our criticisms, when we correct our partner, upsets about broken agreements. Instead of focusing on what our partner has "done to us," it is more empowering to focus on our own intentions for the relationship or situation. "I intend for us to leave on time." "I intend for our house to remain clean." "I intend for the bills to be paid on time."

  3. We deny the solo time
    Human beings ironically have opposing needs for both intimacy and separateness, needs that often may create a lot of frustration and confusion in relationships. We can, however, embrace the natural rhythm to this cycle in our relationships and schedule time when we will be alone or away from our partner. This will give us time to be creative, to meditate, to collect our thoughts, to get in touch with our feelings, to enjoy our favorite hobby, and to even sometimes just to do nothing at all!!!

  4. We fight to be right
    The short-term satisfaction of being right will surely come up short of the long-term satisfaction of a harmonious relationship. Whenever we feel the need to prove ourselves it is based on an attempt to avoid some fear (losing control, being alone, being left, being engulfed, etc). We also stop being present in the relationship when we fight to be right, severing our sacred connection to each other.

  5. We become control monsters
    This is so common! One person is messy; the other is a neat freak. In a connected, spiritual, and sacred relationship, the person who wants to control the other person just lets the whole issue go and focuses on having a good time together. Once this takes place, magic occurs! The messy person becomes cleaner and the cleaner person becomes less focused on needing everything to be so well kept! Harmony and connection once again exists!!! Of course this takes some practice, and it's important to remember that whenever we have a need to control or criticize another, there is always some truth that we are avoiding. Look for that truth. Allow the conflict to be your lesson.

  6. We fly autopilot
    Often we subconsciously recreate the patterns that we learned as children. Maybe we saw our fathers get really angry with our mother and we learned how to avoid anger by keeping quiet and not communicating our feelings. Maybe we learned to shut down completely to avoid feeling hurt. Perhaps we learned to just walk away and avoid a situation completely if it feels unpleasant. We often don't even realize that we are doing this. Completely on autopilot, we wake up one day next to a partner who acts just like our mother, or just like our father. Wouldn't you rather consciously choose your partner and the relationship that you create?

  7. We cut feeling cycles short
    We can help each other discover subconscious patterns if we are genuinely committed to helping each other vs. being right in the situation. Instead of telling our partner how stupid or irrational their feelings seem to us, thereby breaking their feeling cycle, we can encourage our partner to actually work through the feelings that are going on for them. By doing this, it is possible to help our partner break a pattern that they have lived with their entire life!!!

  8. We don't keep our agreements
    We have to be very careful with this one. Sometimes amazingly enough we aren't even aware that our partner believes we have made an agreement! Making sure we are in integrity with our partner requires very clear communication. When we do break an agreement, it is always important to acknowledge that the agreement has been broken. So many times we've been programmed to just say sorry and expect it all to be forgotten. What we really need to do is to encourage our partner to air their grievances about the incident in order to release any remaining negative energy and to once again regain the sacred connection.

  9. We tip our relationship seesaw
    We need absolute equality in a sacred relationship. On the soul level, we are all equal to each other. Connected equally to one reality in the universe and part of the one omnipresent intelligence. Ideally in our magical meta relationship, we will share as much as possible on equal terms. Housework. Money. Taking care of the kids. But even if the partnership does not split every item equally, both partners in a sacred relationship share an inner intention toward equality.

  10. We forget to water our relationship rose
    Without water, our relationship rose will soon die. We need to remember to schedule time to play with our partner. Do those things we both enjoy doing together. It's so easy to let our jobs and other aspects of our lives take over and forget that we say "to be" in a relationship - not "to do" a relationship.
Hether Ayres is President of

Would you like to have more meaningful relationships?


Click here to learn about developing your communication skills ➜

Looking for a better life?

Our online, interactive video workshops present the most effective methods of holistic personal development, covering the full range of challenges all of us inevitably meet in life.
Start off with a Free Life Assessment and a Free Intro Session...

Have a question about Trans4mind Training?

Frequently Asked Questions
What Are Our Fees?
Email Peter Shepherd
More personal development articles at the Counterpoint Article Library

Good info on many topics:

Support your personal development with these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

  • Sweet Tooth ~ Train your brain to lose your sweet tooth.
  • Finish What You Start ~ Sprint all the way past the finish line.
  • Do It Now ~ A hypnosis audio to trigger deep, emotionally driven activity.
  • Life Priorities ~ Hypnosis can help you clarify what really matters to you.
  • Stop Thinking About Someone ~ A session to help you move on from thoughts that have been constantly pestering you.
  • Public Speaking Fear ~ Banish speaking anxiety and nerves with hypnosis.
  • Motivate Yourself to Exercise ~ Build a powerful exercise habit that you can't break.
  • Get Rid of Fear & Anxiety ~ Stop worry and apprehension wrecking your life.
  • Self Esteem ~ Break the negative trance of low self esteem and give yourself a chance in life.
  • Create Your Own Reality ~ Use the power of your unconscious mind to transform your life.
  • Deeper Self Respect ~ Use hypnosis to connect with your true inner worth.
  • Detach From Fear ~ Tune out nervousness and anxiety with hypnosis.
  • Improving Concentration and Focus ~ Learn how to discipline, direct and command your mind to improve your performance.
  • Exercise Motivation ~ Give you powerful keys to getting back on track with your exercise - and staying there.
  • Overcoming Shyness ~ Provides an invisible security blanket allowing you to develop social ease and overcome shyness.
  • Quick Confidence Booster ~ An audio hypnosis session that's specifically designed to get you (quickly!) back on track.
  • Stop Negative Thoughts ~ Learn powerful hypnotic techniques to stop negative thoughts before they start.
  • Overcoming Procrastination ~ Let hypnosis help you get on with what you need to do, when you need to do it. Let nothing hold you back.
  • Think Thin ~ Use hypnosis to re-train your brain and lose weight naturally... that's how to get and stay slim.
  • Fall Asleep Fast ~ Relearn how to fall asleep fast and enjoy a good night's sleep.
  • The Next Level ~ Designed to radically boost your performance in any field. It's based on a technique used by top athletes and other successful people to help them make a big stride forward.
This is our selection of favorites, but there's a session for every need! Choose from over 800 Hypnosis Downloads...
Search now on an issue that interests or concerns you...
Get a free Hypnosis Download at Facebook

Welcome to the New Wave in Meditation Technology

Click here to learn more about the iAwake Profound Meditation Program
The iAwake Profound Meditation Program
is a way of enhancing your meditation practice, making meditation not only easier and more enjoyable, but also more efficient and effective.
Profound Meditation provides the smoothest, deepest, richest, most profound meditation experience available anywhere...
Here is a link to a free 20-minute track from iAwake Technologies - a sample of the type of tools that will deepen your meditation immediately and help you quickly become a successful meditator. It's the opening track of iAwake's flagship product, the Profound Meditation Program, called the iAwake Experience...
Learn More and Download the iAwake Experience
I think you'll find this technology a tremendous aid on your transformative journey of becoming your best and most creative self - and you can get started today!
Copyright © 1997-2017 Trans4mind Ltd