A long time ago I spent more than one and half decades with a person who would be considered a good man. Sadly, most of the time we were both frustrated with our relationship and I used to blame this on our lack of communication. But in truth, it was much more than that - only after extensive study, lots of soul searching and a separation of need, was I able to redefine what went wrong. Our values, beliefs and rules just never (well rarely) aligned.
I had the perception that he saw the world from the view point that I did. We both justified our individual positions, never stopping to understand or really listen to our partner's needs, wants or desires. It took me 15 years to discover it would be kinder to us both to let go of our relationship - one by then filled with resentment and frustration.
I relate this personal experience because if you find yourself questioning your bond as I did, perhaps before it completely unravels, you can take steps to align yourself with your partner. You can learn to speak in a language that he or she will understand; you can address all the unrealistic rules that we subconsciously place on ourselves, others and situations. You can go to work on increasing your self esteem. I wish I had learnt and understood these tools years ago!
The good news is however, that since that time and with a greater understanding of how others think, I have since proved that it is indeed possible to achieve a wonderful and mutually-fulfilling level of communication with others. The secret lies in understanding how and why we behave as we do; what makes us all tick.
President John F. Kennedy once said, "Too often we hold fast to the clich s of our forebears. We subject all facts to a prefabricated set of interpretations. We enjoy the cormfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought." More simply put, we tend to hold onto the behaviors we learnt from our parents and others of influence - even when their methods of doing things are clearly not ideal. Unfortunately, the concept of designing your own life to be the way you want it is usually not something we are taught. It is only years (or decades) later when we are faced with unhappiness and discontent that we go in search of solutions.
By taking steady steps forward in the direction of your goals, and even when confronted by seemingly impossible obstacles, you can learn to take control of your own life. You could imagine your journey as being a bit like trekking for 30 days across Australia. Some days, you are walking down hill with a nice breeze and the sun on your back, other days the wind and rain are driving straight into your face. You struggle to take three steps forward and you're pushed back two. You don't achieve much but you seam to survive, followed by another few sunny days. Just when you think all is going well, the road ahead is closed and you need to back track a long way and head off in a completely different direction.
You can get your life on track and as you will read in "BLISSS - Recreating the Magic in your Love Relationship," I have provided you with essential tools to help you do this. To choose to not feel like a victim but to imagine yourself as the co-creator of your future, allows you the freedom to adopt your choices, change them when you feel necessary and continue to forge forward. This exact moment is he start of your fabulous new future. So lets begin.
IN THE BEGINNING...
Try, as hard as it is, to think back to that wonderful romantic, heady, carefree time - known as the 'Honeymoon Period.' You know, when you can't breathe. When you think of your lover, you are constantly happy, smiling, singing (even if it is out of tune!) Everything about this magical creature is absolutely perfect. You get excited just thinking about your next union.
So for a few months and years, if you were lucky, your partner could do no wrong. You hung off every word he said; you thought that your special buddy was drop-dead gorgeous. Everything about this person was just what you were looking for. It was never too much trouble to go out of your way to provide beautiful gifts, do special acts of kindness, to be and do all that you could for this person. You made an effort and you saw the love of your life through the proverbial rose colored glasses.
OK, so some of you weren't so impulsive, but I think you get my drift about the time in your life with that special someone who made your heart sing. Age is irrelevant; you could have been 16 or 60. The emotions which come to the surface confirm that love has no age boundaries.
"Together Forever," which is what so many promise during this period of bliss, is a very long time when sometime later you feel so unhappy or even marginally dissatisfied. With affairs becoming the 'norm,' consider that this could be because we all want to constantly experience that magical, happy, heady feeling. We desire to feel needed and wanted, which deep down really equates to the search to feel loved. Yes, each and every one of us.
So what if I told you that together, with your current partner, the sparks can be reignited. Amazing as it might seem right now, it is entirely possible to regain a state where you don't have to worry about what house your kids are going to sleep at this weekend, you don't have to participate in the "desperate and dateless" scene, and you can become again a happy loving duo. Together you can change your world. Together you can, if you desire it, save the heartache. You can stop looking at every other 'happy' couple and wish it was what you had. All this can be yours, with a little work, a little effort, some open mindedness and resurrecting a mere ounce or two of love. So, if you think it is worth a go, please read on...