Trans4mind Home Page
~ A Journey of Self-Discovery ~

A Simple Key to Dissolving
Parent-Child Power Struggles

By Nicole MacKenzie

Who is really "in-charge" in today's family? Do kids have too much power? Many parents today are overwhelmed when it comes to parenting. They find themselves constantly explaining, arguing and negotiating with their children. Parenting becomes frustrating and not much fun. The "quality time" is often spent in a power-struggle.

Parents know they don't want to raise their children in an authoritarian, diminishing, character-crushing style. Yet, the "laissez faire" approach doesn't work either – it results in spoiled self-centered kids. The more kids get to "run the show", the harder it actually is for them to be happy and satisfied. The harder it is for them to grow up to be productive responsible adults.

Is there a middle ground? A way that works for both the parent and child? Yes, happily there is. But to understand how to effectively balance freedom and discipline requires a look at the roots of kids' power struggles.

Children learn how to engage you into a power struggle by manipulating you with emotions (whining, pouting, tantrums, etc.). They push your "hot buttons". The goal of the manipulation game on the child's part is to see if you will engage emotionally with him – it is a measuring device of power.

Children usually start to test their power between 1-2 years of age. This is the same time they start to develop a sense of self. It is the time when they no longer look at the reflection in the mirror and see another baby -they now recognize the reflection as their own self.

At this point they will object to what you say, not because of reasoning, but just because they can. They quickly find out what works and will continuously push for more and more. For example, if whining will eventually get them what they think they want they will increase the whining.

If, over time, the whining keeps "working", this behavior develops into a habit and the child will start doing it unconsciously. The irony is that although the child is on the surface getting what they want, they become more and more demanding and eventually develop an ingrained attitude of unhappy dissatisfaction that is hard to break.

Punishment is not the answer. Children are not bad or wrong for pushing and testing to see what they can get with their emotional manipulation games. They are just exploring, experimenting and learning about the world and their place in it.

Children often are not even aware of the emotional games they are playing. They are simply modeling what they have seen on TV or what they've seen other kids do. The first step is to point it out to them and bring their awareness to it. Then you can explain that what they are doing "doesn't work" and explain the behavior you want instead.

You must be gently firm but unwavering in your commitment. If you "give in", your child will simply learn that their game really does work after all – they just need to whine louder (or cry harder, etc.) and keep at it longer.

The real key is for you, the parent, to avoid getting emotionally hooked into the game - to observe the child's behavior in a non-judgmental way, and then respond appropriately instead of emotionally reacting. Once you "take it personally", your objectivity evaporates and everybody loses. The easiest way to stay out of this emotional quicksand is to shift into a mental attitude of curiosity.

One of the biggest gifts you can give your child is to hold them accountable to their emotional impact on others. If done with curiosity and non-judgment – IT WILL WORK. It takes the fight out of potential power-struggles and strengthens the child's emotional intelligence. Children learn how to control their emotions instead of having their emotions control them.

Certainly the Mom Has Fun Parenting! ebook is an excellent introduction to my program for teaching children and their parents emotional intelligence. But there's no way around it... fundamental changes take time. I really want you to have awesome results with this system! For that I need a bit more of your time so we can go slowly and take just one small step at a time. By having a 120-day home study course, you get a very satisfying way of learning that creates the greatest and most long-lasting results:

Mom Has Fun 12-Lesson Home Study Course


child development
More personal development articles at the Counterpoint Article Library

Good info on many topics:

Want to renew your life?

Our online, interactive video workshops present the most effective methods of holistic personal development...
Start off with a Free Life Assessment and a Free Consultation...
 

Have a question about Trans4mind Training?

Frequently Asked Questions
What Are Our Fees?
Email Peter Shepherd

Support your personal development with these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

This is our selection of favorites, but there's a session for every need! Choose from over 800 Hypnosis Downloads...
Search now on an issue that interests or concerns you...
 

View all the Hypnosis Downloads here

Get a free Hypnosis Download at Facebook

Hypnosis is the key to unlocking your creativity, focusing your energy and understanding yourself

Hypnosis has a long history of helping human beings be the very best they can be. It can be used to control anything controlled by the unconscious mind - pain, blood pressure, fear, confidence levels, mood, sex drive... the list goes on:

  1. You'll become highly productive without getting stressed
  2. Tap into your creative energies instantly
  3. Really understand yourself and others
  4. You'll learn how to stay calm in high pressure or uncomfortable situations
  5. Develop laser-like levels of focus and concentration

Lean more... Uncommon Hypnosis Course

Welcome to the New Wave in Meditation Technology

Click here to learn more about the iAwake Profound Meditation Program
The iAwake Profound Meditation Program
is a way of enhancing your meditation practice, making meditation not only easier and more enjoyable, but also more efficient and effective.
Profound Meditation provides the smoothest, deepest, richest, most profound meditation experience available anywhere...
Here is a link to a free 20-minute track from iAwake Technologies - a sample of the type of tools that will deepen your meditation immediately and help you quickly become a successful meditator. It's the opening track of iAwake's flagship product, the Profound Meditation Program, called the iAwake Experience...
Learn More and Download the iAwake Experience
We think you'll find this technology a tremendous aid on your transformative journey of becoming your best and most creative self - and you can get started today!
And here's a fantastic resource for self-education...

The World of Inspiration eLibrary

World of Inspiration
A treasure trove of personal development wisdom

Step inside. Just like a real library, there are thousands of quality eBooks presented on three "floors" and in different "rooms." To purchase your $15 Lifetime Membership to the World of Inspiration eLibrary, click the following button:

Payment is made through our secure transaction agent, PayPal.
The transaction is in the language and currency of your choice.
"I want to just say 'WOW!' This collection is probably the best money I ever spent! I've already received many times over in personal enrichment after just 9 days. I've had a past metaphysical background, but even newcomers to this material will really benefit. Thanks again." ~ J.S. (Pennsylvania, USA)
"The collection is everything which you promised. And more! A superb contribution to the good of the world. Many thanks indeed." ~ R.P. (Georgia, USA)
"Just a short note of thanks for the library. I've only had membership for several days now but I already feel this is perhaps the most interesting compilation I have yet seen. Worth far more than the price of admission. The browser linked structure works well and makes it easy to manage such a large storehouse of information. It is rarely that I find something I like as much as this or that I feel strongly enough to write a note like this." ~ P.W. (Minnesota, USA)
Copyright © 1997-2017 Trans4mind Ltd