Three Effective Ways to Combat
the Emerging Mom Guilt
By Jasmine Demeester
Motherhood is an art. No matter how many parenting books you read during your pregnancy, or how back-supported and completely prepared you felt with the mommy hood charts and ideas. The reality is that all of these parenting guides are flawed.
Parenting especially motherhood is an art that is bounded with the unconditional love between a mom and the little munchkin. No matter how much you love your toddler or how much you do for him, the gavel of the mom guilt will somehow emerge within your first three months of post-Partum depression. Mom-guilt is something orthodox and almost every mom feels it. Yet many are unaware of the sufficient information to name the feeling rightly. However, such unawareness leads to mishandling the emotions resulting in disruptive decisions afterward.
Mom guilt - I am not doing enough for my baby!
Mothers especially the working mothers are most likely to suffer from the suffocating and exhausting feeling of the MOM GUILT. This is one thing a daddy cannot feel. This is something that can only be treated by the patient herself instead of consulting a doctor. For instance, heading towards something you are good at: your job right after few weeks of delivery, you might feel like you are not doing justice with the gummy bear smiles by letting a nanny enjoy them alone. Else, you may feel like you are not giving your growing toddler enough of healthy smoothies since you are serving your duties at office leaving your him back at home. Last but not least, you may feel insecure while scrolling down your newsfeed in the lunch break and realizing you have just missed many picture-perfect moments with the baby.
All what is ignored within this phase of blaming yourself for being the culprit of letting the few pounds toddler live with a nanny is YOU.
Mom guilt does nothing except for letting yourself lose you!
Mothers don't realize the fact that it is essential to be emotionally and physically consoled for the wellbeing of your newborn. Instead, they let them themselves sink with the gavel of mom guilt dropped from nowhere but sky.
This post is to help newbie mommies to deal with the state of life where they are sweaty, leaky, anxious, exhausted, unhealed, and excited but not so-excited to miss those gummy bear smiles.
Make time for yourself
Moms often think and feel as if it's their duty to stay bound with kids and husband and pay absolutely no to zero attention to themselves. And in case if they do, they are wrenched with the subtle feeling of guilt.
Well, have you ever wondered what you are doing not only to yourself but to your whole family (including kids and husband) by ignoring yourself? You, as a mom, ignore yourself to the edge that you even begin to ignore your existence.
Research shows that no mother will continue to do so if she comes to feel the unfortunate consequences.
For instance, you have planned a Saturday movie night with your girl-gang, what’s so guilty in it? Else, you have an appointment at the spa right after Friday evening at the office. Again, what's there to feel guilty in it?
You, as a mother, have to realize that giving time to yourself is better for everyone and not just for you! You, as a caretaker of your kids, have to recognize that it is essential to freshen yourself to spread positivity and liveliness in your house. Else, your family will go out boring with your monotonous working routine, and they will be excited for nothing with your existence or appearance.
Additionally, a mother, may she work or not, is the one who has the most to do within 24 hours. She deserves relaxation which is indirectly for the betterment of kids. You, as a mother, have to realize that it is okay and vital to spend your ‘me’ or girl-gang time so that you can return fresh and relaxed to your mommy-duties and do better for your little ones.
Motherhood is a part of who you are!
Motherhood tends to twist a woman’s life at an angle of 360 degrees. She is unhealed, exhausted, frightened yet excited and just what not. She has chores to do, a job to pursue, and a newborn to look after!
Being a mom is not an easy job. It seems to be exciting, but the fatigue sets the unhealed stress-full lady to blame herself for unseen lacking. Many mothers are seen complaining about their mother-guilt as soon as they head back to continue their jobs. They feel as if they are missing the precious milestones of their infants as they grew up which is true. Working mothers are missing on many joyous parenting experiences, but these ladies have to understand, what they were before this!
Motherhood is undoubtedly something beautiful beyond words, but a mother has to understand that it is just the part of what she was before that. Motherhood is a beautiful part of life, but it is not the only part.
It is worthy of investing some time for yourself and your life for long-term. Kids are surely the assets of a birth giver, but if a mother is pursuing her career even after the birth of a child, it is actually for the sole benefit of the kid himself.
There is nothing perfect as the mom you see on social media
As a mother, you don’t have to feel grotty while reading through your newsfeed and coming through some of the perfect Mother Toddler photographs. You have to understand that you are no less and there is no hidden perfection in mummies you see on social media.
What you are doing is you are underestimating yourself as a perfect caretaker. You feel that you are not genuinely giving your 100%. For this, you have to understand that sometimes it is okay to give 80%. The social media moms you are being inspired from are also not putting in their 100% in the parenting game. If they had been doing so, they might not be having much time to manage their feed.
Women facing mom guilt have to realize that there is much more than flawless social media posts. There is no point of shattering under the guilt gavel just because you are making a 9 hours shift at office and not capturing Pinterest-worthy photographs. After all, it is your paycheck and self-grooming that will nurture your kids in the long term not your Instagram feed.
Jasmine Demeester is an Australian athlete champion and a mother of two twins toddlers. She runs a blog where she write about how challenging motherhood is for a working woman along with the tactics to overcome the emerging challenges. Within her blog, she intends to console mothers suffering through postpartum depression and other emotional and mental consequences.